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And then everything went perfectly
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I believe they meant to protect North American territories from French capture, not necessarily to prevent individual bodily harm, but that doesn't fit as nicely in meme format.
So… they saved the land, not the people. It’s like cutting employee salaries to avoid a takeover from another company. Don’t worry everyone… we “saved” you.
The territories were the things the US founding fathers cared about. They were almost all rich -- or at least formerly rich like Samuel Adams.