this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2024
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Self Improvement
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A community which focusses on improving yourself. This can be in many different ways - from improving physical health or appearance, to improving mental health, creating better habits, overcoming addictions, etc.
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Rough week this past week. This was the closest I came to drinking again out of a sheer sense of despair. I'm tired of feeling like I'm stagnating in life. I've made improvements for sure but from time to time it all just feels meaningless and like I'm not really doing much. I wish I had a formal education. I wish I had a job that paid enough to actually afford real things. I wish my life was different. But some of that really isn't possible to change and that feeling is what brought me low.
I didn't end up drinking. Instead, I did some borderline reckless shit and took my motorcycle off-road for a bit. It was immensely fun and did help bring me out of my funk but I can't help but think that I've replaced one borderline self-destructive coping mechanism for another. It was sweet as hell though and off-roading is absolutely something I will seek out more.
I need to find a physical outlet again since just doing body weight exercises is boring as hell to me. And I hate going to the gym because it's always crowded as shit and a cesspool of breathing each others air. I want to rock climb again but the price is a huge disincentive for how regularly I would want to be going. Thankfully my job still keeps me active but I'd prefer something more recreational and not just moving 5000 lbs stacks of barrels.