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this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2024
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To the mixed race or non-white people in this thread, just start asking white people where they’re from. Heck, if someone asks you where you’re from, it’s only polite to return the curiosity
Edit: if they say US born and raised, then ask but where are your ancestors from?
"Where are you from" should never mean ethnicity, but only where that person has lived. "What is your ancestry/ethnicity" should be specified if that's what you're asking about. No white person with an American accent would think anything of being asked where they're from and will respond with where they've lived.
I know, I agree. I am speaking to the experience of people who get asked that question with a follow up of but where are you really from or some alternative. I mean, it’s totally innocuous and innocent question, but sometimes people use it in a weird way even if they don’t mean a bad thing by it. Because of our history of racism with each other (I mean humans), people are naturally sensitive about race. Things don’t exist in a vacuum
This persons story: https://hbr.org/2020/10/whats-wrong-with-asking-where-are-you-from
Out of curiosity, can you explain what effect you believe this might have?
I am glad to be wrong, but I feel like most white people in the USA wouldn't be offended or even find that to be a strange question. They'll just answer it as best they can: Florida, Sacramento, born in Boise but raised in Fairfield. Or if you press about ancestry, most white folks will gladly say French-German, Irish, etc and then maybe even ask you the same thing because they're genuinely curious and because it's a natural way for an otherwise polite, as you put it, conversation to steer once the topic has come up. Probably most wouldn't even recognize if another person were asking that question specifically to make a point about racism/prejudice/etc.
I really doubt that many white people have had these types of questions weaponized against them so unless they are made aware of how offensive it can be or how it betrays their own biases/prejudices (which we all have by the way), they may not even know. I would think that explaining how those questions impact you negatively in a supportive and understanding way will get you much further with most people than being retaliatory or intentionally inflammatory.
For me, it’s not about offending but about invoking empathy in case the other person does it in a way to “other” someone. If someone’s question is innocent, then no harm done. You’re just having a chill conversation. If their question is not innocent, then maybe it might invoke empathy or also maybe annoy them
In your original comment that I responded to, it sounded like you're making the case that mixed and non-white people should start asking white people those questions as a matter of policy, and not just those times when a specific white person asked first. That's why I was curious what you thought the effect would be.
That being said, even if you meant that people should only return the question if the white person asked first, that's something which would just be normal and instinctual for most folks, I would think? Like if someone I'm getting to know asked me my favorite color, I'd probably follow up with the same question after I gave them my answer. So it seemed a bit weird to see a call to action to do something that I would have otherwise thought most people would already be doing (at least in my experience, which I certainly am open to the possibility that my experience is atypical of what racial minorities endure).
And although I am white, and thus I'm certainly coming from a place of privilege, I am a minority (lgbt) and have had my fair share of experience with inappropriate and/or weaponized questions, so I'm not coming from this from a place of complete naivety. I'm certainly aware that sometimes people will ask questions like "are you the boy or the girl in the relationship" from a place of authentic and unintentional ignorance, but that it's quite often coming from people whose intent is to be derogatory.
I think this is a uniquely American experience tbh. In Canada people have no problem being asked their background and I'm sure the same could be said in other countries.
To your point, race in America has been intentionally weaponized.
One of my professors said something that always stuck with me.
Canada is a mosaic. America is a meting pot.
(Yes I know he didn't coin the phrase). But he was the first who sort of explained it in a way that I truly understood.
In a multicultural America, you're American first, ethnicity second. The impetus is to conform with the dominant culture and pretty much just keep your ethnic culture in your own home and own small communities.
Here in Canada, we are a mosaic. Every culture contributes the best (and worst) parts of their culture/heritage to the whole. There is no "Canadian" default culture. Its just a blend of everyone who comes to live here. **
**offer not valid in Saskatchewan, Alberta and Manitoba.
Read John Rolston-Saul. He's been very thorough explaining this. He puts a lot of it on the history of our country. Unlike America, Canada is a network of lakes and rivers. You can't just ride a horse from A to B you will need to Portage. This meant the early settlers had no choice but to work with the indigenous peoples on the land as it was so foreign to the lands in Europe or America.
I have, actually. Mostly on the advice of that very same professor. (and also to impress a girl that was into that kind of thing)
I'd be lying if I said I understood most of Voltaire's Bastards (I'm intelligent, but not THAT intelligent). But that was nearly 30 years ago now, so maybe I'd understand it more now that I'm older and more educated.
Yeah if you want to make it sting you need to add an “oh” or some form of judgement to the answer. White American culture is proud of our history as immigrants, it’s just also racist and anti current or recent immigrants.
Ok as a non-racist white dude but I grew up in a small town and will admit to ignorance. I don't get the problem here.
I don't care where you're from I will ask your background it's more how you ask. I work with lots of people all over the world and I love learning about new cultures. If you're black maybe you're Nigerian or Kenyan. I don't fucking know the difference I just hear a weird accent so I get curious.
Now the rub to me is how you ask and are you being sincere. Let's stop demonizing people for innocently asking "so where are you from?"
For context I live in Toronto so very, very multicultural. I have friends from every background, but why hide wanting to expand your knowledge?
I wonder if part of the American problem is the fact that they continue to not come to terms with the fact that they're racist AF?
I'm genuinely curious.
It's because the question gets weaponized or used as a micro-aggression. Because of a person's skin color they can't possibly be a "real" American, right? Usually, the person can tell by your tone of voice or phrasing when you ask the question whether you are just curious to learn more about them or if you're a racist dick. But either way, the question comes at them so often that they bristle when they hear it even when it is asked out of curiosity.
You made the distinction that you ask when they have an accent. That's different to just assuming they must be from anywhere else because they're black.
Imagine how that feels? Not the first or second time, but after the hundredth time...
It's ignorant at least, racist at worst.
Tbh, I am okay with people who ask it if they’re just curious and not trying to bring it up in a weird way to other you. People can tell from the context
That will accomplish nothing. White people in the US love saying both where we are from and where we know/think our ancestors are from. It's a common question for white people to ask other white people. White people in the US are so proud to say they are Irish or German or "Italian on my mother's side!" It's like we crave to have something interesting about ourselves since the US is a bit generic, while also being fiercely proud of being from the US. Heck, it's also easy to find people who act proud of being 1/16th Native American... without realizing the reason you're 1/16th is because your great great grandfather stole your great great grandmother from her parents.
That sounds great, I don’t mind people who are genuinely curious and just want to share.