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End of an era: Zoom tells employees to return to office for work (nypost.com)
submitted 1 year ago by Late2TheParty@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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I guess this could just as easily be posted in an anti-work community

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[-] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 296 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I can't think of a worse marketing strategy for a company that relies on remote work to remain relevant. This would be like if General Motors forced every employee within 50 miles of an assembly plant to ride a bike to work.

[-] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 69 points 1 year ago

These are fun. For any other CEOs reading along, here's your new policy/advertisement:

  • Furniture Row could convert every employee workstation to standing only.
  • Starbucks could require every staff member to go caffeine free.
  • Underarmor could set a black tie dress code for all employees.
  • Master lock could shut down their staff gym citing uncontrolled theft from lockers.
  • Grayhound could ban employees from traveling together to events.
  • General Mills could establish a rewards program for employees who participate in a daily morning fast until lunchtime.
  • Atlassian and Salseforce could shift their internal help desks to in-person only with 100% paper records.
  • Peterbilt could start an incentive program that reimburses staff for buying local.
[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

  • Microsoft could require Macs for all employees.

  • Xfinity could only offer dialup at their offices.

  • Dairy Queen could only hire diabetics.

  • The cafeteria at Purdue Farms headquarters could be all-vegan.

  • Barnes and Noble staff must have a library card and check out books regularly.

  • Amazon delivery drivers must have their license suspended.

  • Bed, Bath and Beyond could require their floor staff to only come in if they haven't showered.

[-] wavebeam@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Didn’t BBB go under, close all their stores, and sell their name to overstock.com?

[-] echodot@feddit.uk 8 points 1 year ago

IKEA now only buy from furniture row.

Boeing ban employees from taking aircraft, citing safety concerns with their aircraft.

USPS require all packages be delivered by courier - I can actually see that one happening

[-] PersnickityPenguin@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

Starbucks bans coffee in its offices, cites study saying its bad for your health. Stocks herbal tea instead.

[-] echodot@feddit.uk 5 points 1 year ago

Atlassian and Salseforce could shift their internal help desks to in-person only with 100% paper records.

That would probably be an improvement for Salesforce. I truly hate their software. It's god awful.

[-] JakenVeina@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

That Master Lock one seems entirely plausible.

[-] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

I like the way you think.

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this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2023
819 points (97.5% liked)

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