submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by kescusay@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.


Governor Kathy Hochul has been a staunch supporter and defender of Israel's ongoing siege and bombardment of Gaza and sanctioned settler violence in the occupied West Bank, even going so far as to travel to Israel a few weeks after the Hamas attacks of October 7, despite being told her father was on his deathbed.

For Hochul, her unwavering support of Israel is reflexive—Israel, in her mind, has a right to defend itself, no matter the consequences to civilian populations.

Last Thursday, Hochul spoke at a fundraiser of the UJA-Federation of New York, which, according to the Intercept, "has been accused of sending millions in tax-exempt dollars to organizations that support Israel’s illegal settlement program in the occupied West Bank." The UJA-Federation also originally paid for Hochul's October trip to Israel; after criticism, she then said her own office would cover the expense.

While at the fundraiser, Hochul reiterated her support of Israel and its actions in Gaza and the West Bank.

"If Canada someday ever attacked Buffalo, I'm sorry my friends, there would be no Canada the next day," Hochul said. "That's a natural reaction. You have a right to defend yourself and to make sure it never happens again."

read more:https://hellgatenyc.com/hochul-bomb-canada-psych

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by misk@sopuli.xyz to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
submitted 3 days ago by misk@sopuli.xyz to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
submitted 5 days ago by tree@lemmy.zip to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

During a visit to lobby legislators on transgender issues, Senator Carden Summers (R) knelt down and told a child he would protect her. When he learned she was trans, he backed away.

On Feb. 6, a group of families met to lobby senators on issues affecting the local transgender community in Georgia. One mother, Lena Kotler, decided to take her two children with her to give the topic a human face. While waiting to meet with Democratic Sen. Kim Jackson, who they had heard was a big supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, another senator passed by — Republican Sen. Carden Summers, the primary sponsor of the state’s bathroom ban bill. Little did he know that one of the children he would be interacting with, Aleix, 8 years old, was a transgender child.

According to Kotler and other families who were present, the senator stopped to say hello. That’s when Kotler spoke to Senator Summers about how she was there with her kids to “talk to legislators about keeping her kids safe.” Although she did not mention that one of her children was trans, they were present with LGBTQ+ signage - something the Senator apparently missed when he knelt down in front of Aleix and said, according to Kotler, “Well you know, we’re working on that and I’m going to protect kids like you.”

Kotler then replied, “Yeah - Alex is trans, and she wants to be safe at school, she wants to go to the bathroom and be safe.”

That is when, according to multiple witnesses, Sen. Summers stood up and fumbled his words, repeating, "I mean, yeah, I'm going to make sure she's safe by going to the right bathroom," continuing to use the correct pronouns for Aleix. When asked if he would make her go to a boy's bathroom, he then allegedly backed away, saying, "You're attacking me," turned around, and walked off quickly.

read more: https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/georgia-senator-vows-to-protect-girl?publication_id=994764&post_id=141716994


Iranian navy Rear Adm. Shahram Irani declared that his country has “property rights” in Antarctica, particularly the South Pole, in a newly surfaced video.

“With regard to the South Pole, we have property rights there, and they belong to the public,” Irani said in the video of a television broadcast from last fall.

He added, “Our plan is to raise the flag there, inshallah. It is not only military work but also scientific work that needs to be carried out.”

submitted 6 days ago by ylai@lemmy.ml to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/7913794

A man who mixed his sperm with his father’s to help get his partner pregnant will not be forced to take a paternity test, the high court has ruled.

The man, identified as PQ as he cannot be named for legal reasons, and his partner (JK) had experienced fertility problems and were not able to afford IVF treatment, the court heard at a hearing last month.

As a result he agreed to mix his sperm with his father’s (RS), which was then injected into the woman. The arrangement, which Justice Poole was informed had been “always intended” to be kept secret, led to the birth of a now five-year-old boy (D).

But once Barnsley council became aware of the circumstances of the boy’s conception as a result of separate proceeding, it launched a legal bid to determine his parentage.


However, in a judgment handed down on Thursday, Poole dismissed the bid, saying that he found the council had “no stake in the outcome”.


“A wish to uphold the public interest in maintaining accurate records of births does not confer a personal interest in the determination of such an application.”


Throughout the case, the judge said that the family had “created a welfare minefield”, adding: “I cannot believe that JK, PQ and RS properly thought through the ramifications of their scheme for JK to become pregnant, otherwise it is unlikely that they would have embarked upon it.”


“Without testing, his biological paternity remains uncertain but there is a strong chance, to say the least, that the person he thinks is his grandfather is his biological father, and that the person he thinks is his father is his biological half-brother.”


It's unclear how such egregiously bad images made it through peer-review.


cross-posted from: https://real.lemmy.fan/post/745625

You guys got a 30x12 place I can borrow? (Article says lean-to but I've never seen a 360 sq ft lean-to before.)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Aatube@kbin.social to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Mark Meckler is the president of the Convention of States Foundation and a leading proponent of the right-wing movement to get state legislatures to call for a dangerous Article V convention that will consider constitutional amendments to radically alter American government and society by making much of what the federal government now does unconstitutional.

“I don’t think there’s any way to solve this permanently without military action,” Meckler declared. “[We need a buffer zone] like the DMZ between the Koreas. It needs to be a kilometer of cleared territory that is a no man zone; you come in here and we believe you have hostile intent, we’re going to clear you out.”

“We need to exterminate the cartels and that means going into Mexico,” Meckler asserted. “Now people would say, ‘You’re violating a sovereign country’s territory.’ Well, Mexico is not a sovereign country any longer. Mexico is a failed narco state. The federal government is not in control of their military. The federal government is not in control of their police Their state governments are not, their local governments are not in control of their police forces. That is a failed narco-terrorist state and so we have to treat it as such.”

“To me, this is like Gaza. They’re invading our country. They’re invading our country every day. They’re killing our people, and we have to go in and use maximum force to oust them and create a buffer zone along the border. If we do that, we’ll have border security. It’s that simple.”

submitted 1 week ago by tree@lemmy.zip to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Bill Eigel, a Republican gubernatorial candidate in Missouri, may not realize, but this is physically impossible.

A gubernatorial candidate in Missouri is arguing against abortion access for rape victims on the basis that it would technically allow babies to gain access to the medical procedure.

Republican Missouri State Senator Bill Eigel took the draconian (and idiotic) stance during a debate last week, over an amendment to the state’s already restrictive abortion ban. Missouri has only allowed abortions in the event of medical emergencies since shortly after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June 2022. The new amendment, proposed by Democratic state Senator Doug Beck, would permit abortions for children aged 12 and under if they are victims of rape or incest, raising health concerns for child rape victims if their pregnancies were carried to term.

“You want to bring back the institution of abortion so that kids can get abortions in the state of Missouri. A 1-year-old could get an abortion under this,” Eigel said, according to the St Louis Post-Dispatch.

The uneducated response immediately called for a fact-check from Beck.

“I don’t know that a 1-year-old could get pregnant, Senator,” he retorted, before asking if Eigel was “OK” with the “forced birth of a child being raped.”

“I don’t support the institutions of rape or of incest. But your amendment doesn’t address those,” Eigel replied.

read more: https://newrepublic.com/post/178982/maga-republican-candidate-missouri-eigel-babies-abortion

archive: https://archive.ph/u3Pvw


cross-posted from: https://slrpnk.net/post/6682912

My dad was a white slave, Kentucky Republican tells NAACP

submitted 1 week ago by Hubi@feddit.de to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

"I don't know if you saw this study the other day, but what this study clearly shows, is when people have the ability to come downtown to an office and don't, when they stay home, sitting on their couch with their nasty cat blanket diddling on their laptop ... if they do that for a few months, you become a loser! It's a study. We're not losers, are we?"


cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/7708316

An Idaho state representative wants to build out the state’s law against cannibalism over fears that the composting of human remains could lead to humans consuming other humans. Republican Heather Scott floated a bill on Thursday that would make it illegal to serve “the flesh and blood of another human being” to someone who does not know or consent to it, The Idaho Statesman reports. Idaho already outlaws cannibalism and is the only state to do so, even though other states have laws that punish abuse of corpses. Human composting is legal in some states because it can be more eco-friendly than other methods like cremation. But rather than target composting, which would require a rewrite of rules for morticians, Scott figured it would be easier to expand the cannibalism law. She was apparently inspired by a clip from a prank TV show she had seen, in which personalities pretended to feed people human flesh in sausage links. “They didn’t tell the people, they fed it to t1hem,” she told the Statesman.

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