99
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
99 points (96.3% liked)
Asklemmy
43965 readers
1222 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
You could try asking some deep questions, see what comes out of that.
As a dumb guy this would give me no clue. My 2c, if you're interested in him, just tell him. Plain, straight, no bullshit around. Don't try to obfuscate it or hide it in double meaning phrases, be as direct as possible.
If I can generalize, we guys are dumb idiots that usually can't read what women hide between lines. We need it in simple sentences, ideally in written form to be really sure we understand it right.
I'm open to suggestions, especially on how to spot a good moment to ask deep questions. My brain freezes when he's around, preparing myself would help
Tricky, but you could take the approach of just putting it on the table:
"Hey, I have a weird random question... " And then ask if he thinks there is life elsewhere in the universe or what he thinks is going on with flat earthers or whatever. It isn't bad to be a bit random in timing.
In terms of timing specifics though, you don't want to do it in the middle of some other discussion, so you normally wait for a quiet moment or a lull in the current conversation. Typically depends on what's going on. I find something like building puzzles together is great for this, because you've both got something to do but it's not so intense as to block easy conversation that just meanders a bit. Just an example though.
When you are together, what are you normally doing? Long drives are easier to find ok moments, studying in the library or in the middle of a dentist appointment less so
I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'm too self conscious about coming with something out of the blue.
We tend to walk a lot around shops, or have a meal somewhere, or sometimes hang at a pub with his work mates. Occasionally a movie night. Got more suggestions for hanging out? I'm all eyes
So you want to try create the right moments for deeper conversation, I think that would be more likely away from his mates? I don't know them so just guessing.
With that in mind, maybe Google around for anything interesting or different happening in the area. A gardening or book faire, wine or coffee festival, anything relaxed. Then ask him if he wants to go. Ideally something quiet that has some walking around?
That might create helpful conditions.
This has already happened... We can hang out. It's taking things one step forward the tricky part. Guess I'm going to have to take my chances and find yet again another excuse to hang out, and just say it. I'm getting tired of feeling like this