I've had this same crisis for the last few years. I mean, any time I've thought of death in my life, it would give me that dread and sadness for a few days, but ultimately it would pass and I'd continue living in blissful ignorance. However, in the last few years -- mostly since my first kid was born -- it's been this lingering sadness that I can't escape. Life just seems so pointless. If there's nothing after death, no purpose, no reason for existence, then why does anything matter at all? As you say, one day we'll all cease to exist and if there are other beings, they will never know we were here -- and even if they find traces of us, does it even matter? We're gone and our reason for existing is to just live and die and be done. That's infuriating to me.

And so far, all the things people have said to me to try to help means nothing to me. "When you die, you won't care, because you'll be dead." Yeah, exactly. But I'm alive now and that fucking sucks knowing that I'll just drift into nothingness. "You cause ripples in your life, like a lake, and you will live on through that, through your kids, your friends, etc.." Cool. But one day, they'll all be dead, too. And even ripples in a lake eventually dissipate. "Yes, we'll eventually all go, but that's why life is so special! The fact that you exist is so extremely unlikely. It's a gift." Yes, I will try to enjoy life and make the most of my team because if I have to be here, I don't want to make myself and others around me miserable, but it still won't matter in the end how good of a life I lead because eventually it will all end.

Lately I've been saying, I've given up on life, but not in a suicidal way. I've just sort of accepted that it's all pointless, and that makes that sadness just linger. So I'll just go along, trying to enjoy life, with the cloud of death looming on the horizon.