I just need to get this off my chest because it’s been weighing on me. My daily routine feels like a never-ending loop of the same things, over and over again. Every day blends into the next with nothing exciting to break the cycle. I’ve tried to change things up, but even when I do, 90% of the time it still feels dull and uninspiring.
And it’s not like I haven’t tried. Over the last months and the past year, I’ve done a lot to shake things up: I got into rock climbing, went diving (though I have to travel further for that), tried arts, took different classes, learned a new language (Spanish), explored different coffee shops and bars. I’m doing so much, and yet, no matter what I try, everything just feels bland. The excitement fades fast, and I’m left feeling like I’m back at square one.
Honestly, I don’t need a doctor to tell me I’m depressed — I’m pretty sure I am, in some way. Even though it might not seem like it from what I’ve written, I genuinely love life. I just think it’s fair to say that I found more joy in life 10 years ago than I do now.
On top of that, the state of the world is messing with my head. The climate disaster is f*cking me up, too. It’s like this dark cloud that’s always looming in the back of my mind, with burning forests here, floods there, hurricanes here, and just constant environmental devastation. It’s a relentless reminder that things aren’t getting better. Technology isn’t helping either. I used to enjoy AI and new tech, but it’s gotten so overwhelming. Five years ago, I’d laugh at my mom for falling for fake calls or texts. Now I have to look for weird flaws in fingers, mouths, and eyes just to figure out if something is real or AI-generated.
And look at Flux — it’s just insane. The rapid advancement in AI tools like that makes it even harder to discern what’s real. It’s not just the fake calls and texts anymore; now we’re dealing with sophisticated AI that can generate incredibly realistic but entirely fabricated content. It feels like the line between reality and simulation is blurring more every day, and it’s exhausting to keep up with.
There are times when I honestly wish I wasn’t even born a human. Like, I’d rather be a bird or something else, just to escape this endless loop of dullness. And right now, I kind of wish I didn’t live here either. I know, when I go on vacation everything feels fine, and those moments are great. But I also know that the countries I visit aren’t some utopia either — they struggle too. It’s just easier to ignore when you’re only there for a little while.
And then there’s the feeling that everyone around me is so focused on themselves. It’s like people are caught up in their own lives, and I get it — life is hard for everyone. But it just adds to the isolation. No real connection, just people in their own bubbles.
Maybe I’ve just lost touch with what makes life exciting, or maybe I need something I haven’t figured out yet. But honestly, right now, life feels bland, and I’m not sure how to break out of it.
Anyone else ever feel like this? Or am I just going through the motions on my own?
As the other commenters have already said, I, too, recommend seeing a therapist about this. But I want to offer an alternative perspective, from personal experience.
A lot of what you've said is very similar to something I went through and partially am still currently going through. I used to feel a deep sense of not belonging, of being a misfit, which saturated me so much so that at one point I fell into a deep, self-loathing depression.
Just like you've stated, it wasn't necessarily a static thing, like depression frequently seems to be, it felt active, like a response to a real 'something,' but my comorbid childhood trauma made me believe I was the problem.
I started going to therapy when enough became enough, and therapy helped me understand that, yes, I am a misfit, but a misfit in the context of this society and its state. My values do not match what society deems important. My beliefs don't match the common dogma. I don't have ambitions in the traditional sense, because my ambitions are centered around concepts like fairness and justice, around comprehension, not status and/or possessions.
Therapy didn't help me get over these because there was nothing, really, to get over. But it did help immensely in the sense that I felt understood for the first time in a long time. it encouraged me to redirect my frustrations toward trying to be the change I want to see. I got into politics for the first time, I started actually reading the people and theories which matched my values to understand as much as I can of them. Basically, it helped me accept myself as a misfit for everyone but myself. And slowly but surely, that also started filtering people with whom I actually had common subjects. And it turned that general dejection at seeing the world as it is into a motivating anger.
It also heped me understand that all of this was causing me immense emotional discomfort precisely because I, too, love life and everything living. How could one not suffer when seeing that which one loves is suffering?
Maybe this is not the case for you, I dunno. Not offering this up as a solution, just as a different example. Still highly recommend therapy, talking to someone who's open to listening and understanding always helps.