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submitted 2 months ago by RNAi@hexbear.net to c/urbanism@hexbear.net

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[-] ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net 13 points 2 months ago

I agree that cars get given cop voice, but this particular example I’m not sure how you could reword that sentence. I think I would say “train derails after striking x” regardless of what the object was.

Train derails after striking cow escaped from pasture. Train derails after striking fallen log.

[-] ThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.net 39 points 2 months ago

Active voice first.

"A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail"

[-] RNAi@hexbear.net 21 points 2 months ago

I like hearing the important part first, here being "train derails"

[-] ThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.net 24 points 2 months ago

Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.

[-] sexywheat@hexbear.net 34 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

How about “negligent driver causes train derailment”

[-] Orcocracy@hexbear.net 29 points 2 months ago

Train derailed by wayward car on tracks

[-] ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net 4 points 2 months ago

I like this one, “Train derailed by” I think is good, I don’t like the ones that start the sentence with the car. Even though the car is at fault, “Train derails” is the most important piece of information if you only came out with two words.