Same. I did have a therapist a few years ago that I told some real bad shit to, but that was after a couple of years of building trust; I was still scared of getting a pair of grippy socks. I went to see them because of a... let's go with a 'stopped suicide attempt'. Stroke at a young age, fiancé left me, no hope, career goals shattered, physically fucked, financially ruined, etc so rock bottom was looking down at me like 'damn bro I'm sorry'.

A few close friends know things that others don't, shit I'm not about to spill here. But it's because they either have been in a similar situation and we have worked to keep each other alive and going, or they have degrees in the field of mental health and don't mind trying to keep my head above water, or they are my (ex, current, etc) partner.

There's no fucking way I'm going to just casually be like "you ever just want to go to the roof, get right on the ledge, shoot yourself - and in case that doesn't take you out, the concrete walkway at the foot of the 20 story fall will finish the job? No? Just me then? Ha, funny. I hate life. Haha."