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this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2024
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I used to be the same. I was actually okay when I was drunk so I used to be quite good and going to clubs and picking up women but in the normal grown-up world I was useless. I’m married now though, so there’s hope.
Well the thing is that I don't like alcohol and I don't like the idea of being drunk
I used to be exactly like you. My social battery died way too quick and I hated going anywhere. No interest in alcohol or getting drunk at all. But the thing is, if you don't go anywhere or talk to anyone, you end up missing out on so many cool things. That unfortunately took me way too long to realize.
You kinda just gotta force yourself to go out and get used to it via exposure therapy. It absolutely sucks at first, but keep at it. It gets better. Having friends to go out with helps a ton, but I'm also at the point where I'm starting to get comfortable doing things by myself too. Doing that helps a ton with meeting new people.
I still don't like alcohol, but it also helps me to be more social too. That in turn helps me get more comfortable with socializing in general. You don't have to overdo it and get drunk, just enough to take the edge off and relax more. It's a genuinely really helpful crutch at times.
I know it's easy to disregard advice like this. I've done it plenty of times. But trust me, it's worth it. Don't rush, take your time, and you'll get there eventually. I believe in you
And that's the problem for many, we just don't have friends, we don't connect with anyone, social activities just ruin my day, I don't have a job and forcing myself at being more "normal" feels like a job. Is not natural. I wish people would understand me and some girl would just synch with me under those conditions, because I can be cuddly and likeable enough with one person. But I know that is not going to happen.
It's definitely not a natural feeling, and I totally get what you mean about it feeling like a job. I still struggle with it sometimes myself. I literally have to play mind games with myself to force myself to go out at times.
The unfortunate thing is, if you don't try at all, you're not going to get better. Like I said, it'll be rough at first. You'll feel super uncomfortable and want to run back to the safety of your solitude. But you have to push through it, or you'll end up stuck where you are.
Mental health access is not great, but if you have an option to speak with a therapist, that may be a good first step if you need a helpful push
Yeah I'm not going to get better. Like you said, it is unfortunate.
Whenever you write something like that, you are training it to be true
But it is true. I'm not writing a prophecy. I've been like this for decades now
Have you made the effort and forced yourself to test your own assumptions?
In fact I have like two REAL friends (very close since forever ) who have the same hobbies than me. I m very creative ( I have adhd ) and focused on my hobbies , I have way to much of them so it took all my time, I'm with my friends all the time(IRL or on vocal). But yeah would also love to meet peoples, if they are a little nerd.
That's awesome dude, and like, you should totally rely on each other where you can to just go out and do stuff you're interested in. Get comfortable with it. Start looking for and suggesting things you want to do and see if you can drag them along. That's what helped me get more comfortable starting to go out more, is just realizing how much stuff is out there I want to check out.
Genuinely the best way to meet other nerdy people is to go out to places where other nerds meet. I'm into like anime and stuff, and I've started forcing myself to go to cons in cosplay by myself, and I've met so many cool people that way because everyone is just so excited to share in the interest together
Well the thing is that my friends are also like me so they don't want to go out , we prefer to do our hobbies together (he live 500m from my house )so yeah , there is no trigger to actually go meet other people. the irony is that we would love to meet peoples. Also when I said that I had lot of hobbies that's because when you start making things you just can't stop accumulating new way to do them , I explain I m a steel worker so I love make thing with steel, my friend is an engineer so we are complementary but we also love 3d print woodworking and do thing with light and electrical components. We also have have built a hobbies workshop. I think time is also my problem. Love anime too even if I'm a casu on this. :)
Yeah and again unfortunately it's a mindset thing. If you guys really want to meet people, there are ways to make it happen. Like making stuff like that sounds cool. If it's something that other people like, maybe bring a booth to an event and sell stuff there. You can show off your passions and still hang out with your friends. People who also think it's cool will seek you out and you can make conversation
I really hope, ^ ^ thx to have taken the time to answer me.
Sounds like you are doing good despite being single, I don't have any friends and my only hobby is videogames, is literally the only thing that I like and even that is decreasing
I love video games too that was my main hobby for years and that's what sculpted my culture. Video games are awesome I think that its enough in it self you don't need to like other things , for the friends I actually don't know how to have one since I know mine since middle school. Hope you find them cause strong friends can stop your depressed mind.
I used to like being drunk (helps with depression) but I don't want to get fat so I cut it