view the rest of the comments
Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
Genuine question, why not just walk away?
Like, it doesn't solve the mental issues you're already dealing with because of the years of trauma, but like, it seems like step one of healing would be to remove yourself from the situation, no?
Like, tell your dad he should probably get out, because you're not gonna be there to play witness to keep him out of jail anymore, and then pop deuces?
I've tried, but there are multiple reasons.
First, I have literally less than zero money. I've been in education almost all my life because people always told me that after [insert degree] you will have infinite options and a good job. Well that doesn't really work if you're grades are always shit and you need 9 years for a 6 year degree. Its almost impossible to sell yourself during job hunting if almost every class has a barely passing grade. I also have zero to none work experience. In my country minimum wage is not enough to support yourself, and I don't qualify for unemployment checks. I've tried to find a job with my dogshit engineering bachelor's for 6 months, 100+ applications, nothing. Starting an apprenticeship pays even less than minimum wave. I'm already falling behind on my masters degree, while hustling on the side. I barely manage living paycheck to paycheck. All this while stuck living in my parents house.
Second, I got nowhere to go. I'm an immigrant, there are no relatives I could go to, all my friends have their own families so I can't couch surf, renting is to expensive. I would be fine with being homeless, but I got adult responsibilities now, that require residence.
Third, I've once been away for a few months, my dad almost cheated on my mom during this time but that's beside the point. That's probably the loneliest I've ever been in my life (granted it was peak Covid). There were times I haven't left my dorm for days. I had to apologize to people for my voice cracks, because I've literally haven't spoken a word out loud in days. I do not naturally seek out engagement, neither do people particularly miss my presence. I don't want to leave because the speck of social life I have is tethered to my family or friends in my city. Sure I get along with strangers fairly well, but it's all a facade, it's learned behavior that I picked up through the years so I don't get punched in the head for looking at somebody the wrong way (I apparently have a very 'punchable' face). I'm very carefull who I call a 'friend', and even then, the reason my friends are my actual friends is because we don't talk about topics like this.
My way of living has really thought me to give others the benefit of the doubt, because nobody can ever tell at a glance what going on in a persons life. If somebody is being a dick to me I try not to be a dick back, because I don't know whats going on behind the curtain. If somebody seems happy, I'm always asking 'Are they really?'. This way I've never had a road rage incident, I've never got screamed at twice. I'm really good at disarming conflicts, which is an almost useless skill in day to day life.
That all sounds like it sucks, but I don't think it's as hopeless as I'm sure it feels.
Obviously this is just a snapshot into your life, and I'm sure there are more details under the hood, like what exact "adult responsibilities" and stuff you've got going on. That said, even in this text I think you've outlined a good bit of good stuff you've got going on.
First, I don't know why you think conflict deescalation isn't an absolutely in demand skill. Every job under the sun has conflict, and being able to manage that is huge. Even within Engineering, you could put that to huge use as a Sales Engineer or some other customer facing technical role.
Second, you got your bachelor's in an engineering discipline. You can poo-poo your grades all you want, but at the end of the day you succeeded. No mean feat my man. That's worth celebrating.
Finally, if you're simply looking for a way out, there are institutions that are always looking for technical people. Obviously this is gonna vary a lot by country, so ymmv, but the government/military is always in need of people in technical roles, and rarely are able to fill them. It probably doesn't pay nearly what a "normal" engineering job would, but it'd be more than an internship, and it would give you some of that structured camaraderie that you previously felt the lack of when trying to leave.
All that to say, don't give up hope my guy. I know I'm just some schmuck on Lemmy of all places, but I think you're capable of breaking out and getting to a better place.
You got this!
Yeah, I hope things will get better in the future.