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Selfhosted
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I run Matrix, and it's pretty great. Though I would recommend Schildichat over Element for the mobile app. I had all kinds of issues with Element Mobile somehow screwing up the E2EE keys for my other sessions. Nothing seemed to fix it except removing my account from it completely. Switched to Schildichat and haven't had that issue since.
Seconded with Matrix. All I'm wanting for it is for someone to make a Discord/Revolt UI frontend for Matrix 2.0 and it'll be a drop in replacement