122
What was the dumbest way that you lost a friend?
(lemmy.autism.place)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
122 points (96.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43944 readers
718 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
I asked someone to stop saying “half 5” as a time since it was ambiguous & confusing, especially given that we weren’t in an English-speaking country & folks come from all over (many culture this means one thing or the other, while many—including where I grew up—don’t even use it as an expression). I asked a few times, then another time we were gonna meet up, I asked him “half five ha” “so what time do you really mean?” “half 5” …so I just didn’t show up, wasn’t in the mood. We haven’t really talked since.
You didn't like the way your friend... told time? And that was enough to end the friendship?
And I thought I was neurotic. How do you even have friends? I'm not even attacking you, I'm looking for advice here.
There is no reason to be unclear with folks with some weird dialectal thing that is inconsistent across cultures when you aren’t in that culture… or to keep doing something on purpose when asked to stop for a couple of months. I thought it would be a one-time thing since I wasn’t feeling it that night, but everything ended up fizzling out after I guess my no show. We would chat if we ran into each other but neither of us planned anything together after.
I was being charitable. It's now becoming obvious you're just a finnicky person with bad social skills.
I mean seriously, if I had a friend who got so uppity about some silly way I told time (that was common where I came from), I would have to seriously wonder what was wrong with them.
When other, non-native English speakers were invited to hangouts they were even more confused—asking me what he meant & I would have to look it up. In casual speech or storytelling these things don’t matter but when planning events & meetings they do. I have seen so many confusing scheduling issues in work & life that can be solved by just communicating clearly & precisely. I have seen meetings missed for time zones & ambiguous phrases like “biweekly”. You know what I do? I send an clear date & timestamp + *.ics iCalender file since I try to put events in my calendar since I can be forgetful, & it is almost no effort to forward it to the other interested parties. The other end then has a precise reminder that can be localized/translated however is clear to them in their calendar—& as a result no one has mistaken an event.
Yes, the “obvious poor social skills” of being clear with folks when their time is involved. As well, trying to get someone else to give up their speech oddity in planning for the sake of everyone else, myself included, by explaining that others are confused & it not being worth it. Do you have experience working in international groups?
Yes, obviously poor social skills. Demonstrably.