this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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Self Improvement
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First self-improvement post. I'm feeling rough and defeated lately.
After what I'll call a sabbatical, I have to go job searching again. Thankfully, I still have a few more months before I run out of money. But, after looking for jobs for just one month, I feel so burnt out and demotivated.
I regret quitting my old job, even though I know I had to quit for my own sanity.
On a positive note, I haven't given up yet.
My biggest hurdles are PTSD and stress. I'm so fucking tired and scared all the time. I also struggle to eat enough protein, but I'm minding that as much as I can bear. I just constantly fear that I can't do it, I feel like I'm just ready to collapse. Maybe I am burnt out, instead of trying harder, I think I just need to stop, or at the very least reduce stimulation.
Great first post comrade, keep us updated!
I also deal with a lot of stress and found that meditation helps. I use a free meditation app called Insight Timer which has thousands of guided meditations for every topic. Here is one of my favourites.
I recently found out that there are protein puddings which have 22g protein per serving, which is a super easy way to hit your targets. I'm eating mostly plant based so it's hard to get protein, peanut butter is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. Also I put hemp protein powder in my morning oatmeal.
That's a great point, we are conditioned to think that the solution to every problem is to push harder. The prevailing sentiment is that if you haven't accomplished something, it must mean that you haven't tried hard enough. But the issues that we are facing are systemic which means they cannot be solved by individual action, no matter how hard you push. So it's important to give yourself a break sometimes.
Thanks for the reply, I'll check out that app. I had Headspace on a student subscription for a while. I've found just having "quiet time" is enough for me, sitting or making a meal. I may check out Buddhism more seriously rather than doing "McMindfulness".
I'll check out the protein puddings too. I got some Vegan protein powder, but I sometimes use jerky if there's no other way my body will eat protein. Trying out TVP, having some success.
I am now confident I'm burnt out (have been for over a decade). It's so hard to take it slow with a looming deadline of "You'll be homeless in 5 months". On the other hand, I've been through cycle after cycle of burnout, and I'm so done.
I'm taking things at my own pace more, and I know when I've "run out of spoons", at least for today.
<3