• Be part of a murder

But that's illegal!

I guess that means elves can't go to space :(

How would that even work? Do time zones exist for everybody but elves? As the party travelled east, did Legolas start perceiving the sun to set later than it did for everybody else?

I think they're onto something. In fact, these water mountains seem to be so common, it might just be one big water mountain that covers the whole planet, and is so big it eventually wraps around and meets itself at the bottom.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

Years ago, I had to do customer service training for a job, and one thing they said is to always say "you're welcome" instead of "no problem", because some people think "no problem" is rude. But I think it's a generational thing, and it's kind of the opposite with younger folks.

We can't lick sodium or chlorine, but combine them and you get something we literally make blocks of for the purpose of licking. What a world!

Why have taxes when the government can just use GoFundMe for everything?

Hmm, these huge trucks are killing pedestrians, causing worse crashes due to crash incompatibility, destroying the climate, and now smashing through guard rails and flying off cliffs. We'd better change our entire country's infrastructure to accommodate them.

Don't you hate when you show up to a party and your X is there?

You gotta admit this post is a little ironic.