I relate to a lot of this, and I do wonder if it's an autism thing. Because like, I see a lot of lefties complain about libs as if they know they're thinly veiled fascists and are just pretending/virtue signaling etc, and they're always linking roderic day's thing about propaganda. But my experience was just nothing like that. It's like.... no, I literally just did not know lol. I always had good egalitarian-like values, and I was fed so much bullshit that I was just naively a liberal. I was a radlib for sooooo long because of all the other western 'leftists' being stuck in electoralism, defeatism, 'human-nature'-ism etc. The final thing that pushed me here was:
Wait, you mean communism ISN'T when no food?
Wait, you mean communism actually DID work and wasn't just a 1984 animal farm dictatorship ???
Wait, you mean it wasn't us libbies on the "right side of history", it was always the socialists, and basically every good historical 'great man' idol that we look up to (MLK, helen keller, einstein etc) was a socialist too??
THE COMMIES WERE RIGHT THIS WHOLE FREAKIN TIME????
Because my entire life I've been taught commie = evil, like, they're just The Bad Guys. It's drilled into your head. And then when you come up with something like "hey why don't we provide for everybody and make things fair?" it's always: "Nah, that doesn't work, it's been tried, and human beings are just too selfish to make it work."
And that had younger me like "Oh, okay... :( "
And our entire culture, media, news, history education etc is SUCH A FUCK that it took THIS LONG for me to finally get some real facts and be like wtf are you kidding me?!?!? The "villains" were right this whole time?!?!
Maybe it is like an autistic myopia for us. Maybe most people aren't like this...? I know it's more accurate that people's ideology follows their material interests, and for most of us westoids, our material interests are the empire staying an empire. And you could say that because I'm disabled, that means my material interests 100% align with the abolition of capitalism, therefore here I am. But there's definitely an element of like, bruh I did not KNOW. I wish somebody had told me sooner. But it's a wasteland out here in the west. I ultimately had to figure it out for myself.
And I'm glad I did, because unknowingly being a "communist waiting for permission to be one" is depressing as HELL man. I saw the BS of electoralism, reforms obviously were not working, I knew the necessity of revolution but I could NOT believe that it was ever possible, like the belief that humans are selfish and it just never works was so ingrained. So I literally felt like there was no hope. Absolutely nothing. We're just fucked and this is it and we're powerless to do anything about it. Total capitalist realism. The bleakest view of reality. Did you also go through this phase of utter despair like I did?
Nah, rising up against fascist colonizers is awesome and worthy of celebration. I don't give a fuck how it "looks" to zionazis and their pearl-clutching libs.