Its funny when your notice it

Hi I might loose my job tomorrow. For the most Part of my Life i was able to fit in with society. All-ways while ignoring my own mental health. Aka Masking I was diagnosed ADHD when i was a kid, but never got Meds or a treatment back then.

I tried to go to therapy since spring last Year now to get some help, but it takes so long to get any diagnosis or help. I suspect a autism-ADHD combination.

The last few moths i feel quit depressed, (not super dark, just empty and sad) Now today after working for over 10 years and changing field recently its likely coming to an End, i can't keep the facade up. Work from Monday-Friday 8-5 is to much for me. I had an event with the co-workers last week, and i got drunk and was told to leave to not disturb the other people there. Why can't i be myself in this world, i disagree with so much that is the standard in this world. This job went against my principles, yet i went there and did my best, but it was not enough, it never is, darkness always shines trough. Anyway i except them to clear my desk and make me leave after they know how i tick. Any suggestions what to do next?

this is right after closing qemu-kvm