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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by mizu6079@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.

  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.

  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.

  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).

  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.

  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

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[-] GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world 120 points 1 year ago

I was worried that lemmy wouldn't reach the pinnacle of quality to match reddit, and then this post came along to soothe those fears. Good luck on your no poop quest.

[-] HerrLewakaas@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

This is the perfect comment, I laughed so hard

[-] match@pawb.social 112 points 1 year ago

enjoy your sex trip and I wish you happy bottoming! if you're not going to be doing too much physical labor during this time I recommend going full bottom mode: the week ahead of it start eating very lightly, initially a high fiber diet with added psyllium husk or metamucil. your body might be different but mine would say no dairy during this time. for the day before or even two, switch to a meatless and somewhat low fiber diet - ramen noodles is a classic, cookies, soup, other carbs. before you leave for the trip, clean out with an enema bulb (or store bought enemas if your ass is bougie or inexperienced). the combination of low fiber and low food throughput should keep you from having to poop and whatever poop is still in your tract will get largely removed by the enema.

while you're out at your fuck-tent, consume most of your calories from simple carbs as much as your body will handle so as to give your microbiome less to work with - applesauce is kinda nice, fruit snacks, white bread. eat like a twink!

remember to stay hydrated!! I know you're not trying to pee either but it's important to hydrate even if it means suffering whatever penalty your dom is giving you when you ask to be let out to pee

[-] DoucheAsaurus@kbin.social 32 points 1 year ago

while you're out at your fuck-tent

I'm dead holy shit 🤣

[-] JesusTheCarpenter@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

This guy kinks

[-] Leafimo@feddit.de 16 points 1 year ago

the real LPT is always in the comments

[-] Linebeck@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago
[-] manifex@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago

Gimping: A Primer

[-] Very_Bad_Janet@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago

eat like a twink!

Is this why they call it the BRAT diet?

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[-] yardy_sardley@lemmy.world 76 points 1 year ago

OP doesn't want his crush knowing that he poops. Simple as.

[-] cly@lemmy.world 61 points 1 year ago

In 10 years, people are going to say "I joined Lemmy before the 3 days without pooping post"

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago

This could be our Jolly Rancher

[-] InEnduringGrowStrong@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

After the self induced constipation, they'll need the poop knife for sure.

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[-] Crit_D@lemmy.world 56 points 1 year ago

I came to Lemmy as a substitute for Reddit, and I'm impressed at how little time it took to reach the high-quality posts that Reddit was known for.

[-] megane_kun@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

It's not just OPs strange and mysterious predicament that has made this thread epic, but also the genuine efforts of some of us to help OP in the midst of wild, off the wall, guessing.

And then there's the misplaced reply that ended up in the perfect place.

And I'm glad to have seen it first hand.

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[-] mizu6079@vlemmy.net 41 points 1 year ago

Update because I still get one or two comments in my inbox daily asking me about this thing.

Yes, I did succeed.

No, I'm not telling anyone what all of this was about.

I got constipated after the thing was over and made a post asking for help.

The promised picture of my porcelain throne:

[-] codyofficial@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago
[-] Albinoss@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago
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[-] bartlebee@infosec.pub 37 points 1 year ago
[-] Guy_Fieris_Hair@lemmy.world 36 points 1 year ago

Are you by chance trapped in a submarine near the Titanic?

[-] iturnedintoanewt@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Aw crap we are going to need silly lemmy awards soon.

[-] Bye@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago

So you are going to wear some kind of pants that you can’t take off easily for 3 days. Maybe some kind of medieval armor, or a fursuit.

Gatorade has tons of calories because of the sugar, and it will leave nothing to poop out. It will give you the critical electrolytes (plants crave them) that you’re missing from food. Take a multivitamin too.

But it doesn’t have enough calories, and you need stuff to go in your stomach so you don’t suffer being empty on your temporary Gatorade diet. eat white bread. Your body metabolizes almost all of it, so there’s almost nothing to poop out.

You will need to poop out all your poop before doing this, so good hydration and veggies beforehand will clean you out. No need for laxatives, just switch to your new and stupid diet 36 hours before you need to stop pooping.

Good luck on your medieval battle reënactment or orgy.

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[-] atwerp@feddit.nl 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

OP, you misunderstand the "no shitposts on lemmy" guideline, that's not what it means

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[-] yarr@lemmy.fmhy.ml 21 points 1 year ago

Taking bets:

  • Participating in a competitive event where bathroom breaks are minimal or non-existent, such as a long-distance, multi-day gaming or eSports tournament.
  • Attending a religious or spiritual retreat where fasting or avoiding certain bodily functions is part of the practices or rituals.
  • Engaging in a survival challenge or a bet where the person has to limit food intake and avoid defecating for a certain period of time.
  • Undergoing a specific medical procedure or test that requires limiting food intake and avoiding bowel movements for a few days.
  • Participating in a scientific experiment or study where they have to control their diet and bowel movements.
  • Partaking in a performance art piece or protest where he's limiting his bodily functions as part of the statement.
  • Attending an event (like a music festival or convention) where bathroom facilities are notoriously unclean or inconvenient, and they want to avoid using them as much as possible.
  • Embarking on a long journey where bathroom facilities may not be readily available or convenient, such as a cross-country road trip or sailing expedition.
  • Participating in a reality TV show or film production where bathroom breaks are limited or inconvenient.
  • Engaging in a personal challenge or self-imposed discipline practice related to endurance or minimalism.
[-] mizu6079@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Okay I'll give in a tiny bit only because this barely narrows it down: one of them is ridiculously close to what is actually the case. Like, I'm actually doing the thing you mentioned in the point, just your reasoning is wrong.

P.S.: The actual reasoning is borderline impossible for anyone to guess so just stop trying guys.

P.P.S.: I've decided that if someone actually manages to guess it, I'm gonna confirm it.

[-] LufyCZ@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Just for readability, these are the options with reasoning:

  • Attending an event (festivalor convention)
  • Long journey, such as a cross-country trip (probably this one, as OP mentioned walking+travelling by train)
  • Reality TV Show / film
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[-] AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Damn, I thought you were just an Amazon employee.

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[-] Jrussell@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

This is so fucking funny. It keeps reappearing in my all feed every day and reminding me.

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[-] mizu6079@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I've replied to quite a few people and I'm going to bed now.

I'll edit the posts with updates when my poopless journey ends. Either when the three-day poopless period is over (28th June) or when the whole thing is over (30 June/1 July).

Wish me luck.

[-] heartlessevil@lemmy.one 9 points 1 year ago

This is the first post on lemmy I've bookmarked, congrats

[-] Feo@feddit.de 7 points 1 year ago

Godspeed op. May your cheeks remain pristine.

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[-] Roggie@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 year ago

first day on lemmy, and this is the shit i see right off the bat. I found my reddit replacement.

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[-] Jackolantern@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

This is one of those threads that’s going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit

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[-] OtakuAltair@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I don't know the answer, but now I can say I was here during the infamous 'Poop post' on Lemmy 10 years from now.

[-] SuperNerd@programming.dev 10 points 1 year ago

NASA has a paper on how to not poop for days. It's on the Internet. Before space toilets there was only a space bag with finger scissor/scoop holes. It didn't work, poop got everywhere. The paper goes into detail about fecal matter being everywhere after early multi-day missions.

So they figured it out. Their system works -- I've also had my own reasons.

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[-] jystfact@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

Are you, by any chance in a submarine?

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[-] Tankyiu@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago
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[-] Sleo@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

If I had to guess, given the timing of this, he's probably on the Hajj. Around this time 1.5 million Muslims make a pilgrimage to fulfill one of the main tenants of the religion, to make a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Makkah. This is tied to Eid that's coming in a few days.

Where I suspect this ties in is, one of the steps in this journey is to stay in Mina, which is basically a tent city outside of Makkah. The bathroom facilities are lacking at best, specially if you are used to clean western style sitting toilets. It's not uncommon for people to walk back to their hotels and take care of business and walk back to their tents. Depending on where the hotel is and where your tent is, this could be a half hour to an hour walk. Let's just say if someone is very particular about the throne and is situated far from the hotel, fasting and going without food to reduce poop frequency seems like a very attractive option.

In my experience, the bathrooms for the American and Canadian tents weren't too bad to use in a pinch. And I was blessed that my hotel was only a 15 mins walk, so my wife and I would walk over every morning, take a nice shower and freshen up and walk back (there is a recommended time requirement on how much of each day you can spend outside the boundary of the city). The food there was too tempting for me to go with the no poop route this brave soul is embarking on. (For context, they would have fresh squeezed juices, lamb and rice dishes as big as small cars, teas, coffees, and the sweets were amazing.... And it was all free!).

Eid Al Adha-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eid_al-Adha?wprov=sfla1

Hajj - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hajj?wprov=sfla1

Repost from: https://lemmy.ca/comment/549502

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[-] Twaffle@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

This thread is going to haunt me. One day, years from now while lying in bed and slowly drifting off to sleep, I'll suddenly sit bolt upright and exclaim, "Why couldn't that dude poop!?"

[-] mizu6079@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

I miscalculated. The poopless days begin tomorrow, not today. About 28 hours left.

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[-] Doctor8@infosec.pub 7 points 1 year ago

Practicing for No Shit November I see.

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[-] evader_fateful@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

It’s been 6 days since the original post. OP was 3 days out from the poopless leg of his trip. OP, I hope everything went according to plan!

Please update when back!

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[-] highduc@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

This is the kind of post we need around here :)

I suggest you do poop, your plan atm sounds cartoonishly stupid and likely to blow up in your face.

Do keep us posted though!

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this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
324 points (94.3% liked)

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