I'm around 30, male, and even though I never believe in destiny type stuff, I firmly believe that some of us are fated to be alone. I've been lurking on reddit dating subs (not really a thing on lemmy) and I've seen other very similar stories. It's made realize, and accept, that some of us will always be alone.

I've never had a relationship, still a virgin, never kissed, never even held hands in a romantic context.

I've been on and off dating apps since I was 20, and I've never had any success. I started lurking on reddit to see what I could do to improve, and it didn't help. I even made an account so I could DM people and ask for advice, and nothing changed. I've been told I'm good looking, that I'm in good shape, people always said my bios are good, and my pictures could be better but they never got very harsh criticism. But I never had any success. And it's not like my standards are too high, I don't even get likes! On the rare occasion I do get a match, they never make an effort. They don't care about me, don't ask questions, and don't comment on what I say. They just answer my questions directly, and if I don't ask something the conversation dies.

The only women who ever seem to pay me attention and enjoy my company either have boyfriends, or just want a friendship. I started going going out IRL more, doing group activities and classes. No luck. Women seem comfortable with me, but they only ever want me as a friend. The first class I went to a woman came up and started making conversation with me. Not my type exactly, but I figured why not? We talk, I ask questions about her, eventually she mentions her husband. There's nothing wrong with that, she was just looking for conversation or making a friend; but from my perspective it sucks. Another girl I got along well with, thought she was cute, started making conversation, she eventually mentioned a boyfriend. We're still friends, but again, it sucks.

There's this girl I met, the first girl I ever truly "liked" - I've had some crushes before but this was entirely different. I had pretty much given up on the apps, was focused on my self, then one day we just match. Didn't care much at first because I knew how things go. But then I get to know her, and start falling head over heels for her (we hung out a few times). I start thinking "people always say it happens when you least expect it - is this it? Is this destiny?". She just wanted a friend, and did not feel the same way. This pretty much ruined the friendship. It kind of broke me a little, I'm not gonna lie.

I've also been told I'm nice, thoughtful, smart. I have good hygiene, and I take care of how I look. I also have several hobbies and would consider myself an interesting person. Women I meet IRL like talking to me. I'm also emotionally open and don't play games. I have goals in life. I'm allegedly good looking, and I'm active and workout - I don't have a six pack or anything, but I'm in ok shape. And if I compare myself to other men I see everyday, I'm in better shape than like 3/4 of them. I'm not trying to put anyone down, just want to paint a picture. Also, I'm average height for my area, so I don't think that plays into it.

But in around 30 years there's been nothing. And from what I've read and seen, I'm not alone in this. Over the years I have also watched my friends get into and out of relationships with ease. I'm seeing my friends getting married now, and having kids.

I think some of us just don't have "it" - whatever "it" is - and we're fated to be alone. That's the only answer I have. I'm accepting it and giving up. The alternative is hating myself and not knowing why or what to change.