Did some work out in the park yesterday, feels nice doing calisthenics and just laying in the grass for a while. Gonna try to keep it up my muscles feel nice rn

Biggest thing I did was attend an intro-meeting for the org I'm trying to slowly join as my time frees up more. Exciting, but I felt so nervous and out of my element...

If anybody else wants to be added to the roll call, just let me know

This week I went running on 2 days and made 16 bean burritos for meal prep. I put new strings on the guitar. Invited a friend to hang out at my place. Did a bit of reading. I managed to get more stuff done than usual so it was a productive week.

Next week I would ideally like to go running on 4 days. I also want to practice meditation on 4 days. I want to continue reading before bed in order to fall asleep more easily.

Cooked. I fear I may have fucked up very much. Opened a huge can of worms even more with my ex, it’s forced me to ask myself some very hard questions like why did I leave all of a sudden when everything was fine, why does she still want me if I caused that much hurt, and was so simply rejecting the love I’ve been searching for my entire life because it didn’t look how I envisioned

My only resources have been my few friends who I couldn’t live without who listen to me without swaying me.

How do I find out what I want to do with my life?

My 20s were supposed to be about exploration and self-discovery but I never got that opportunity. I keep getting bored and disinterested with anything and start thinking about doing other things as I try something. I keep changing my mind every two seconds and normal people don’t do that.,

I’m freaking out because I’m already running late on even getting started on a career path and so many mutually exclusive things are calling to me and I have to abandon all but one? But also I find everything to be boring and I immediately hate things the minute I try them. I can’t sit myself down to code even if I feel like it. Also, then what if I never become good enough for porky’s high standards for him to let me work for him. If you can’t make it a job, what’s the point of doing anything?

I’m sorry, this is stressing me out so much I have been paralyzed for years. And if I don’t force myself to hate everything about life except for one teeny tiny box and be obsessed with it, then I will never even have a career because employers expect you to have everything figured out when you’re a baby.

I'm over 2 weeks vape free so that's pretty cool.

Finally found out my truck is gonna be fixed, after market warranty pulling through. Gonna spend some more time at the library studying for my NATE certification, basically gonna be making my specialty electricity so I can hopefully also expand into electrician work someday if hvac doesn't pan out. There's this library I go to that's super chill, good 3 hours of study each day with breaks is the way.

oooh I like the spoilered names very clean!!

I had a pretty good week i'm mostly sticking to my convictions but also not being too hard on myself for not being perfect and that's new and nice.

Another week, another mixed bag.

Big positive- Worked out just 4-5 times this past week and even though I'm super sore, I feel good about how my progress. I do wonder what things would have been like if I didn't have to work 6 days a week for a solid chunk of the year.

So-so- Got most of what I needed to get done at work this week. But everything took too long and weighed me down, but...

The bad- More than anything, my strained relationship with my brother is really starting to affect me. Not sure what to do. I've tried speaking with him several times in the past about this particular issue that is driving a wedge between us, but I just don't have the energy to keep on doing it over and over again only for him to go back to his default reaction. Its had the knock on effect of just draining my social battery and I just don't have the energy to sustain my usual jovial self at work with my friend and other co-workers.