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So, my good friend (18m) had a falling out with his ex (19m) because the ex bullied him and also because he is apparently dating a 16f, so my friend thinks he is a pedophile for obvious reasons (adult + minor).

I can see why this would be considered bad but also, when I turn 16, my girlfriend will be 19 too, as I am currently a young sophomore who is about 3 years younger than her girlfriend, a senior.

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[-] njm1314@lemmy.world 1 points 21 hours ago

Super creepy

First off: if, then he wouldn't be a pedophile but a hebephile. Small, but important difference.

Second: there are the laws. If you're breaking laws, it could quickly become a problem (obviously).

But finally, what you were actually getting to: it really depends. There are plenty of age cases that are unacceptable no matter what (e.g. if he were 25 instead of 19, for instance). People mature differently. I've met people who were 16 where you could think they were 20, and vice-versa. If one is much more mature than the other, than you have a power imbalance, and that's the problem. And that can happen with two people of the same age, as well (although it's less likely).

So, no, 16 and 19 isn't necessarily wrong, per se. The question is: is the relationship in question problematic?

[-] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 3 points 1 day ago

iffy to some, big maturity difference but romeo and juliet laws, i believe, say it's fine.

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[-] macaw_dean_settle@lemmy.world -1 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

Not a pedophile at 16; must be prepubescent to be a pedophile. It is really annoying that people like you keep using the word incorrectly.

[-] nonBInary@thelemmy.club 1 points 21 hours ago

i think they mean the 19-year-old

a 4 year gap around that time is kind of a grey area, especially with high school kids. It'll only be a problem if someone presses charges. It might do some psychological uncomfortable feelings for the younger one, but from what I've heard that's a case-by-case basis.

Also local laws can vary from providence to providence. Like in the US the age of consent is 18 but there are some states that go as low as 16 on that front

[-] Infrapink@thebrainbin.org 1 points 1 day ago

America does not have a national age of consent; each state sets their own. It's 16 in 30 states, 17 in nine states, and 18 in 11 states.

Yes, the age of consent is 16 in the majority of the USA.

Several of the states which set it at 17 or 18 also have close in age exemptions (AKA Romeo and Juliet laws) which cover the case that OP raises. In such cases, it is legal to have sex with somebody slightly below the age of consent as long as both people are sufficiently close in age; some states, such as Texas, also require them to have been dating since both were under the state age of consent. This means that, in most of America, it is perfectly legal for a 19-year-old to have sex with a 16-year-old.

The misunderstanding most likely comes from the fact that the majority of entertainment media is made in New York and California, where the age of consent is 18 with no exceptions, and pop culture writers act like this is the case everywhere.

Also I should clarify that bringing a minor across state limes to take advantage of a lower age of consent is a felony, for obvious reasons.

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this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2025
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