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Hi, so I'm a high school student and I happen to be trans FtM. I know I'm quite young, but I do believe in the importance of supporting trans people, even young people just in general.

I was born a girl (obviously) but now I'm a guy named Anthony. When I came out to my social worker "Mrs. A" (not her real name or initial), she said that she was proud of me for coming out, but that if I wanted teachers to refer to me as "male", "he/him", Anthony, etc. that I'd have to come out to my legal guardian.

The thing is my guardian isn't the most supportive of trans people. I came out to him a few years ago and he said I was just a confused girl and that "the left was just pushing their agenda onto me". He loves me, I'm sure he does, but he definitely wouldn't support me.

I told my therapist and a good friend of mine and both of them said that was breaking a rule of confidentiality. My sister told me that too. My therapist wonders if it's to get it changed on paperwork or something but says that if I want to be called Anthony at school, there should be no problem.

What do you all think?

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[-] adhocfungus@midwest.social 1 points 1 week ago

I'm not sure if they're the same thing, but back in my day we had a "School Counselor". I told her all about how my mom was abusing us, which backfired on me when she straight up told my mom everything I had said.

Hopefully it's changed on the last couple decades, but back then school counselors weren't required to have any accreditations and had no restriction on privacy.

That was when I learned the employees of the school are there to protect the school, not the students. You should be careful what you share until you've determined what sort of confidentiality you're guaranteed and what training this person has. Outing you or requiring you to out yourself are both pretty messed up to recommend.

[-] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 week ago

Outing someone to their parents aginst their will is dangerous and irresponsible

[-] anthony@lemmings.world 3 points 1 week ago

Agreed. They gave me a choice: I could go by my birth name and she/her pronouns, or go by Anthony and he/him pronouns but if I went by "Anthony (the guy)" and not "[Birth name] the girl" she would either have me come out or out me herself and be like "Hey, your daughter is now your son and he asked me to call him Anthony because he is transgender".

[-] klemptor@startrek.website 3 points 1 week ago

Does your school have some kind of fucked up policy about this? I'm wondering if it's a mandate.

[-] anthony@lemmings.world 2 points 1 week ago

They must, I hope not, though. It seems transphobic either way.

[-] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Start calling your social worker Dick. Refuse to stop until she proves she isn't one.

If she can treat you with disrespect, you can to.

Be sure to say it kindly though, as if it were her real name and act confused when it bothers her.

[-] hitmyspot@aussie.zone 4 points 1 week ago

It sounds like the social worker respects them and calls them by their new same and correct, preferred pronouns. They just said that if they want others to do the same, officially that they would need to come out to their parent.

I know some schools in the USA started implementing such a policy, so it could be that. However, it could also just be insensitive or pressuring them to come out to their parent when they don't feel comfortable doing so.

I wouldn't jump to condemn the social worker without more info. On a personal level they are offering support but they also need to help traverse the political and beurocratic realities trans people face. The worker should be helping them overcome it, of course.

this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2025
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