Honorable mention to Tarkalean tea

Yeah...GrubHub is so fucking expensive that I'm surprised they're still in business.

Dude this pic could've waited until your poo was finished

I'm 42 and have known since I was 4 years old that I never wanted to be a mother. It's seriously one of my earliest memories - I didn't want to make my bed, my mother was exasperated with me and said "you'll be sad you treated me so badly when you have kids of your own"... and I remember being just appalled at the thought of being a parent.

I just don't enjoy children. I like peace, quiet, and order, and the freedom to do what I want without having to factor in children. Plus it looks super stressful to be a parent. I have 2 nephews and a niece, and while they're good kids, their parents always look so utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. And I'm definitely not good at being an aunt - interacting with children just doesn't come naturally to me.

Everyone told me I'd grow out of it. I had to fight to get my tubes tied in my mid-twenties (for real, I had to see so many doctors and had a botched Essure procedure at Planned Parenthood before I finally found an OBGYN who would take me seriously!).

No ~~regrets~~ rugrats!

It's about what I would expect from the kind of person who buys squeezy jelly.

Some things I've noticed in my early 40s:

• You talk about things like property taxes and 401k contributions more often than you ever thought would be possible
• You seriously weigh whether a drink is worth the bad sleep and headache it'll cause you
• Your pop-culture references are lost on younger folks
• You start referring to college-aged people as "kids"
• You need reading glasses but you're in denial about it
• Injuries take longer to heal
• Those of your peers who haven't taken care of themselves are starting to have serious health issues
• You care more about flossing, skincare, fiber, and hydration
• You still rock bottom eyeliner like you did in high school
• You've seen fashion from your high school years go out of style and then come back as "retro"
• You see the utter confusion on your nephew's face when you explain that you used to keep a quarter in your bike pouch in case you needed to call someone, because he doesn't remember a time before cell phones and his generation isn't allowed to just roam around unsupervised on their bikes
• You have strong opinions about things like laundry detergent brands
• Birds become fascinating
• You have no problem spending a few hundred dollars on a new kayak paddle, but the price of cold cuts these days is just unacceptable

I haaaate Teams. Worst thing ever to happen to workplace productivity. And (unless this has been fixed since I retired) chat history isn't persistent past 6 months so you lose your proof of what was discussed, unlike email.

I chose to believe this is performance art

The food is the best part of any holiday, to be fair.

Just off the top of my head:

• If It's at all possible, retire early! Look into FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early)
• Carry as little debt as possible
• Max out your 401k (otherwise you're leaving money on the table!), build a savings account, and maintain at least 6 months' expenses worth of cash in an emergency account
• Where you can, plan ahead for large purchases (e.g., vacations, new roof) and make them in cash instead of financing them
• Minimize consumption of goods to maximize financial power (i.e., don't get sucked into lifestyle creep!)
• Do spend money on things that are high-quality and will last
• Lift heavy things often
• Don't skip cardio
• Hydrate!
• Use sunblock (physical >>> chemical)
• Get your routine medical stuff (e.g., mammograms start at 40), even the uncomfortable ones (colonoscopy!), and don't wait until minor things become major to get them checked out
• Be calm, rational, and intentional in your interactions with others, and if you've behaved poorly, give a heartfelt apology. This is especially important with your significant other.
• Pay closer attention to your parents' needs - they are aging and will start to need help they may not be willing to ask for
• Don't be afraid to remove bullshit from your life. That one "friend" who you never want to hang out with because they just drain your energy? It's OK to let that friendship go.

I don't have kids so no advice there.

As an actual middle-aged woman who can't even name one Taylor Swift song, give me a giant fucking break. She's rich, famous, appears to have a good head on her shoulders (from what I hear at least), and makes music people really love. This sexist troglodyte is just butthurt that she dares to exist and be successful without his permission, plus he probably wants to bang her. He can fuck right off.

Cudney, Ezekiel | w m 59 | Farmer

----- Ann | w f 45 | wife | keeps house

----- Alfred | w m 21 | son | work on farm

----- Catharine | w f 15 | daughter | does as she pleases