It highly unnerving that every time I read an Onion headline these days, it takes longer - much longer - than it should before I recognize it as such.
The headlines aren't false, just early.
Yup, default reaction nowadays is always "aww, really?" before the relief kicks in.
...Only for said relief to be swiftly annihilated by the next headline which regrettably isn't penned by The Onion.
Little vaccinated bitch can’t take a little plague like a man? All proud of his 100% attendance and shit. /s
Vaccines do work!
Reminds me of something I really encountered:
A preschooler complained at home: "mommy, all my friends have two homes, I'm the only one who has only one home!"
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