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Riker's butt already did it:
I knew it!
Didn't Jonathan Frakes often lean due to back injuries?
Nah, see, Federation has advanced haptic systems that can tell it's a butt and therefore not valid input.
What about the guest aliens with hand-butt?
Well, that's just another opportunity for the crew to have some personal growth in resolving the misunderstanding.
Galaxy-class is probably like that fancy BMWs with personalized automatic seat- and driving-wheel-adjustments and driver-specific preferred settings for Ul and entertainment-center...
I don't think that's what haptic means...
Or fingerprint reading for every button press.
ADS... Ass detection system.
Ok, let's assume they are capacitive touch. I think they may have made safe for sitting pants by then.
You know what they say happens when you assume things.
Class out, ass out!
She looks like she wouldn't mind him shooting his torpedo at her.
Lower the rear deflector shield 👁️👄👁️
Lyta
lasers
If my 2023 tablet can tell the difference between my palm and my fingers, I’m willing to believe a critical control surface on a 2360s starship knows a butt when it sees one.
You're saying they have cheek rejection in the future?
After the third or fourth unfortunate "accidental discharge" incident it was deemed wise to implement a comprehensive butt rejection protocol on all control panels.
Hes probably raining down a barrage of Photon Torpedos onto whatever stupid planet they are orbiting. Who probably deserves it for whatever stupid reason the enterprise had to come visit them to help with in the first place. Like “oh our corrupt political system has us at war with eachother” or “our sun is about to explode.” Cry about it some more.
The ship knows exactly who is where and what their intent is. The buttons are only needed because a direct brain-computer link would drive the computer insane.
Why do they even need Data? It seems like in episodes where they really make use of the ships computer (like the one where Dr Crusher is stuck in a collapsing universe) the computer is just as effective. Also when they are doing NCIS style enhance on an image or something.
They cannot beam the computer down to planets, and also Data has a lot of character driven stories that wouldn't work with the ship. The ship definitely doesn't care to be more human like or to create art.
Why do they need any crew member? Just send the ship off by itself!
Except that the entire point is for the crew to go out and look around themselves. They're not just serving a function, they're explorers. And so is Data.
Ass-controlled space lasers? Are you trying to summon MTG?
If I can get her within range of the lasers then sure. Will be very fitting- hoisted by her own petard.
It’s not real. It’s just a prop.
What are you on about? His ass is absolutely real.
Are you saying it's imaginary, rather than real? Maybe that's why he's sitting on a flat panel, to help square up his butt and make it real again.
This is a fundamental misunderstanding of Starship Operations. The weapon systems aren't energized and the console isn't in Tactical configuration unless specifically ordered so or the ship is brought to Red Alert. Given the casual nature of the communication happening that is clearly not true.
Whew, that's a relief. Are there safeguards in place if he sharts?
All Starfleet panels are butt-proof and shart rated. This is notably different from Klingon panels, which are only rated for protection against blood, blood wine, and puke containing blood wine.
Romulan panels are rated against subterfuge but the protection has been secretly disabled.
That protection was secretly reenabled by a high-level Tal Shiar operation.
this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2026
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Fire up the inertial dampeners, retract all moorings and clear space dock. It's time to boldy go where no one has gone before!
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