submitted 2 months ago by 10TH_OF_SEPTEMBER_CALL@hexbear.net to c/neurodiverse@hexbear.net

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i mean even tho i have a master degree in psychology i never really looked into autism

but i always felt off as a kid, had deep depression between 15 and 18, I left home at 18 ans could feel sorta normal at uni even though it was mostly through alcohol abuse, and then a drug phase, and then i sorta runaway for a while. In foreign country at least i could be alone, in the countryside / seaside, things like that. I never was happier than working on a farm. I self diagnosed with adhd, which sorta makes sense to me.

But now im with wifu inside the big city, no more drinking, and we have fought a lot, it's like she's getting mad at me for not being able to speak after a day at the office, she's getting mad at me for some stupid stuff and i freak out, sometime it's like i get that she's mad at me and then she says she wasn't that mad. And when it happens it takes days for me to come back to baseline, and then i get even more mad because she makes me unable to function for 3 days over some stupid laundry stuff

but then last time i saw they stopped thinking of adhd and autism as totally separate thing and it all made sense somehow. but i now i dont know how to tell wifu

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[-] StinkySocialist@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 months ago

I think you have to frame the way youre think about it differently. 🤔

It sounds like you’re thinking of this as having a need (like alone time or a different way to verbalize conflict) that you feel you have to prove is valid. It seems like the way you intend to prove it is by applying the autism label to yourself. Which, by the way, sounds right to me, but I don’t have a master’s in psychology. 🤷

All that to say, you’re a step removed from the real issue. Your need is valid. Just because it’s atypical doesn’t mean it should need to be "proved." I would hope that you and your wife are close enough that you can tell her what your needs are directly and be believed. I’d do that and ask her why it bothers her, and how that may be stopping her from getting her own needs met.

In other words, reframe it from "making a case" for why she should respect your needs to simply expressing your needs, asking for hers, and working together to meet both. You get what I’m saying? I had to do a similar reframing when I first moved in with my partner.

Also, you mentioned thinking your wife is sad, but she says she’s not. If you’re misjudging that, it fits with autism. 🤷 If she says she’s not mad, it’s not on you to decipher if she’s lying. Trust her; if she is lying, that’s her issue, to be honest.

Curious what happened with the laundry stuff?

[-] 10TH_OF_SEPTEMBER_CALL@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago

thanks for answering buddy <3

you're right, i find it especially hard to express boundary and stuff especially because she doesn't seem to understand why i'm like that. It leads to a whole of of misunderstanding and if there's the slightest conflict i freak out.

I mean thats not the whole story ofc i love my wife there's a lot of goodies. And the thought even occured to me that maybe she's autistic too, i mean we were both kindof ermits and she sometime freaks out about little stuff. And she have trauma too, she's a real revolutionary. Plus she's from another background as well, situation's not easy, but most of the time we make it work. Just found a new job and they should hopefully give her documents at some point. She have waited for years for her phd.

She got mad at me for mixing up the dirty and clean laundry. But i dont think i did. Later she agreed she overreacted. but still that destroyed my week-end.

this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2026

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What is Neurodivergence?

It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned

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