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Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel (theonion.com)
submitted 1 week ago by silence7@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[-] tal@lemmy.today 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

DUE TO TO THE TENOR AND DEPTH OF THIS FEMALE ANGEL’S LOVE MAKING

Um. Angels aren't normally considered to have gender.

searches

https://biblehub.com/q/do_angels_have_a_specific_gender.htm

While angels are frequently depicted using masculine pronouns and described as appearing in male form, Scripture does not teach that they possess gender in the human, biological sense.

EDIT: Ah, finished reading the article:

At press time, global markets had reportedly crashed to their lowest point this year after Trump posted a follow-up message stating that the angel he had sex with may have in fact been an alien.

[-] MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

So that's your problem?

[-] dvoraqs@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

The reference you listed makes it sound like angels can actually have a gender (as in a social identification as man and/or woman) but not a sex (as in male and/or female biology, presumable about having genitals).

[-] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

“I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS AN ANGEL HAS VISITED ME IN MY SLEEP AND I HAVE HAD VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE SEX WITH IT,”

Imagining Trump as one of the residents of Sodom wanting to rape the two angels is... traumatic.

[-] orc_princess@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago

The "opposition" establishment: please Mr Trump don't rape the angels, take my daughters instead, they're virgins

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

i mean he has made it clear that he will not honor the ancient laws of hospitality

[-] auntieclokwise@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I mean we've known for awhile that Trump and Satan are a thing, thanks to South Park's documentary work. And, last I checked, Satan was an angel.

[-] grranibal@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago

An archangel actually I believe

[-] auntieclokwise@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Hadn't heard that. Wikipedia doesn't mention it. Wouldn't matter anyway because archangel is a subtype or rank of angel. I suppose technically, he's a fallen angel.

[-] grranibal@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago

I don’t remember where I heard it, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was from a movie or tv show XD

So… source: my bad memory

[-] ohulancutash@feddit.uk 5 points 1 week ago

Jeffrey’s Angels, the TV reboot no-one wants to see.

[-] m3t00@midwest.social 2 points 1 week ago

pump and dump

[-] Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago

How old is Angel?

this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2026
129 points (98.5% liked)

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