Relevant XKCD. (Upper right.)

Well, I mean, of course you would want to avoid being either conformal or equal-area. As an experienced cartographer, I am both intimately aware of the technical meaning of both those terms, and their drawbacks in map composition.
Could you please explain it to a pleb like me senpai?
A conformal projection makes straight lines appear on the map with the same relative direction they appear on the surface.
An equal-area projection makes the areas of parts of the map proportional to the area of the surface they represent.
That map on the post is neither. The most useful maps are normally neither.
Doesn't "useful" depend a lot on application and that's why we have more than one map type?
No because I was lying and have no idea what any of that means lol
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