She just called me. She intimated that she noticed the N64 is missing from her garbage and told me I need to come over so she can destroy me with video games. Which, cool, we can play Smash 64 Remix.

Sometimes I eat things out of the trash as a power move. If you need to establish dominance fast, it works. Doesn't even need to be food. It works.

Have you considered that the N64 was cursed?

And that the one lingering effect of the curse was that she cannot reveal the nature of the curse?

And your gf had finally managed to defeat the curse, only for you to potentially activate it again?

I recommend couples therapy + exorcism. If you can't find a therapist/exorcist, burning a Mario effigy in the backyard can suffice for both.

I bet she thinks Mario Kart 64 is better than Diddy Kong Racing.

she has not emptied or put anything else in this trash can in 15 years; it is there to serve as a test of loyalty