How Women Rise touches on this to an extent. With just a little bit of editorializing,

• What do you want to do? Have interesting experiences and spend time with your close ones? Work is a necessary means to that end in probably any system to provide the resources you need. Your perspective stops being “fuck I gotta go make widgets for a bit” and becomes “making widgets helps me achieve my goal of doing cool shit.” This also changes the discourse to “how do we the widget process better for people just trying to do cool shit” and “Is making these widgets the best way for me to do cool shit?” You’re not telling the widget maker you’re perfect for this role, you’re excited about this role because of its ability to help you achieve your goals. Note that goals are not just capitalism. Several of my goals revolve around me being a better person and a better partner.
• Networking specifically is only gross if you view as taking advantage of other people. If you shift your perspective to “we all gotta work together so let’s figure out better ways to do that” networking becomes a conversation about how I can achieve my goals while helping you achieve yours and is only gross if I’m not going to help you achieve yours. Sometimes helping you achieve your goals is just being around until you need something from me, even if I’m getting things from you the whole time. As a mentor, most of what I get out of networking is practicing teaching. I give a lot more than I get from a certain perspective. Some day I might need help and the people I’ve mentored will hopefully be willing to pitch in.

There’s no world where the things you have to do to survive make you happy all of the time. Ask any neurodivergent person with executive dysfunction about necessary chores. There’s also no world where you’re happy all the time even with a perspective shift. There is a world where we recognize that we all have to do things to get along. If we’re honest about that from the start, the hiring conversations get better.

It's telling, and sad, that everyone thinks networking is shmoozing and disingenuous. Networking is nothing more than meeting people and building relationships, if those relationships make sense.

I'm tight with my customers and vendors. Know why? Because I like them treat them like friends. We look for each other. They're familiar with my experience and personality. If I ever need a new job, I could probably get with one of those businesses quick.

It's nice to know people. Sometimes you can help them, sometimes they can help you. And if you treat it like some kind of filthy ladder climbing exercise, they'll know you're fake.

I doubt Gen Z has any different feelings about schmoozing with others than the other generations. There always have been, and likely always will be, 1. people who mildly dislike trying to make acquaintances who are useful (a large minority), 2. people who generally like making acquaintances and are okay with using them (the majority), 3. people who absolutely love schmoozing and will seek out the 'best' acquaintance for their purpose (a small minority), and people like us, who detest everything about the concept (a very small minority).

I bet every person reading this who has a large pool of coworkers can name a person in each of the categories, and probably a bunch in category 1/2. Your category 2s are planning the holiday party and smile the whole time they're there, a category 1 will hang out in a specific corner with specific folks, category 3s are the ones who whispered in the ear of the manager about having a party, and 4s just don't show up.

The only time "networking" has ever resulted in me getting what I wanted was when I worked in the Disney World transportation department. It was my day off, so me and my boy friend at the time decided to go to the parks. We waited in line for two hours for the Rocking Rollercoaster and, after we got off the thing, I spotted another employee who I recognized from Tower of Terror. I didn't know the guy personally, he was just my favorite lift operator on that ride as he always hammed it up like he was auditioning for a Wes Anderson film. I walked up and told him as much, he thanked me as I explained that I was a cast member in the park on my day off. He asked if I was there with anyone else and I replied my boyfriend. He told me to go get him and to meet him by this door off to the side of gift shop. He took us behind the scenes and back to the front of the line... we got to ride Rocking Rollercoaster almost twenty times without waiting in line. It was fucking incredible.

Would you rather hire someone excited to be there or someone who doesn't give a shit?

I'm stealing meat riding, but professionally lmao

so much this!

I used to recoil at the thought of "networking" for similar reasons as OOP. I'd rather make smalltalk at a conference for exactly as long as it takesb to find someone to go ditch the entire thing with. I don't wanna talk shop for the sake of talking shop or "networking", I wanna go for a beer and talk about fully automated luxury gay space communism 🚀

However, now that I'm professionally doing something that I'm interested in, things have changed a bit. I actually enjoy the challenges at my job and actively seek out people that (hopefully) know more about the pitfalls than me. I want to learn from other people! Hopefully I can pay it forward sometime.

But now, all of a sudden, I'm networking. I know what Rebekah does over at Engineering and I know what Claude is trying to accomplish over at $competitor. They in turn know what's in my roadmap and where I might need support. They also know how I work.

And now, every now and then I get a LinkedIn message alerting me to a professional learning opportunity or a job opportunity. Likewise, I keep Rebecah and Claude in the loop about things that might be interesting to them.

I hate this usage of "networking".

I work in IT and this will frequently confuse the shit out of me.

"Join my network" is basically shorthand for: connect to the WiFi.

All this meat space crap drives me up the wall.

Also, we need to normalize giving as a method of showing comfort or condolences. Like, I lose my job and what do I get from people? "You can do it!" Etc, and other useless platitudes. I'd rather have people be like "here's some cash to help cover your bills" or "I'll order a pizza to be delivered to your house".

Same thing with pretty much anything. You were injured on the job, here's free pizza for you to eat while you're laid up in bed, recovering. Here's some money to help cover rent while you're not earning an income.

Meanwhile, some Putz graduates college and lands their first "real" job, and someone buys them a car.

What the fuck man. To congratulate them on making money, you give them more?

But when grandpa dies and you're trying to cover funeral expenses, nobody gives you shit.

The whole fucking system is backwards. When we have everything, we're given more, when we are beat down, the whole thing only ever gets worse.

Another example, you're diagnosed with an illness, you have to miss work for treatment, the boss reams you out for taking so much time off work, you may get fired. Meanwhile, the medical bills are stacking up and creditors are calling because they want all the money you don't have. Your paychecks are getting cut because you're taking so much time off work, meanwhile you feel like shit because you're sick. A whole lot of fuck you is happening. The social norm is to "be supportive".... What good is that going to do? Nah man, here's a couple hundred bucks. Get better soon, okay?

Well, there’s better answers than mine here, but there was a recent article on ChatGPT offering better job advice than many other sources, so might be worth a look?

As far as the meme goes, I despised “networking” as a concept since I realized it needed to be done. Probably cost me 6 figures so far in lifetime earnings thanks to missing job opportunities.

I hate kissing ass or chatting with people that I have no interest in other than the purpose of using their position and knowledge to further my own goals. I can’t “fake” interest. Other people simply view it as a social interaction to grease the wheels and excel at gab.

That said, Zoomers sarcastically seeing “networking” for what it is is refreshing, but it unfortunately doesn’t change the “it’s who you know” part of the equation at all.

ong