58
submitted 5 months ago by Icalasari@fedia.io to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Carlo Acutis, a teenage website developer, was attributed a second miracle by Pope Francis, advancing his path to becoming the first millennial saint.

top 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 40 points 5 months ago

I don't care how unpopular this opinion is, but all religions are fucking stupid, and this is just another bullet point in the list of stupid shit zealots do to maintain control over the masses. Oh, you're losing your young people to atheism and science? Better give them a role model and make a fucking saint out of a junior web dev with a geocities site. Holy shit.

Actual holy shit.

[-] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 33 points 5 months ago

If there's a developer deserving of sainthood it's Terry Davies of TempleOS fame. But I'm not sure if he counts as Catholic.

[-] Dasnap@lemmy.world 24 points 5 months ago

I was about to say that he was a racist and homophobic, but then remembered that wouldn't be a problem. Hell, might even up his chances.

[-] squid_slime@lemm.ee 3 points 5 months ago
[-] Icalasari@fedia.io 28 points 5 months ago

Went with the Yahoo! link as they are guaranteed to not have some sort of paywall that pops out of nowhere. Also because the Insider used a video, so this is an actual word transcription

Also wut

[-] Deceptichum@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 months ago

Huh, figured the pope would be too busy bashing trans people and protecting paedophiles.

[-] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Everybody needs a break sometimes.

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 months ago

Jesus fucking Christ. Humans are weird.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

He turns water into Mtn dew

[-] dojan@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

That's nothing! My dog turns water to piss. He's clearly the second coming.

[-] riodoro1@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Grown motherfuckers believe this bullshit.

[-] schnapsman@feddit.de 6 points 5 months ago

He's unlocked recursive miracle attribution. That he was attributed 2 miracles is itself a third miracle. Some guy getting 3 miracles? That's another miracle..

[-] superterran@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

The patron saint of the internet. If you pray to him and touch one of his shirts you’ll be healed.

[-] deerdelighted@lemmy.ml 3 points 5 months ago

Wait so according to the article, someone prayed to him while in hospital and got healed? Is that all it takes to become a Saint? I wonder: if I ever get into a hospital I should pray to say Genghis Khan just to troll the Church.

[-] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 months ago

It needs to happen twice. I would help you but I still poses the indestructibility of youth.

spoilerI think the person also needs to be Catholic.

[-] jballs@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago

Think about how weird that is for a minute. This guy wasn't a saint when people were praying to him. So do Catholics just go around praying to randos until 3 people pray to the same rando and then are like "aha! a saint!" ?

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago
[-] Land_Strider@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago

Can we go with another fictional character yet? It has been so long since Jesus was added to the lore that the fantasy of it has been waning with all these mundane saints.

I nominate Joker for, erm... you know, always putting on a smile even when getting a beating from Batman the, umm... Dark Knight, which is definitely an evil title, right?

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

That'll just cause more schisms as people split off to follow the various versions and incarnations of the Joker. The various sects will violently disagree on everything except the fact that it's not fucking Jared Leto.

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

Carlo Acutis serial sexual predator scandal dropping in 5..4..3..

[-] eran_morad@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

How the fuck can anyone take this shit seriously? Religion is a scourge on all of us, turning the feeble-minded into an instrument for the benefit of evil sociopaths.

[-] woelkchen@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

The tech whizz, sometimes called 'God's influencer,' died of leukemia in 2006 at age 15.

So finding a cure for cancer is not one of his miracles.

[-] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 1 points 5 months ago

God works in mysterious ways 🌠 lol

[-] dustyData@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

All religions are jokes. But this shit right here…

[-] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

The two "miracles"

Acutis was beatified by Pope Francis in October 2020 after a first miracle was attributed to him, involving a Brazilian boy born with a pancreatic defect who said he was healed after praying to Acutis.

According to Vatican News, the news portal of the Holy See, the second miracle involved a Costa Rican woman whose daughter had a bicycle accident and was given a low chance of survival by doctors.

Vatican News said the mother, Liliana, prayed at Acutis' tomb in Assisi, Italy, and claimed that her daughter recovered soon after.

[-] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 months ago

I literally lol'd. A religious person can explain this to me but does the old testament not poo poo praying to anyone who is not God?

Fucking Catholics man. How many saints they up to? It's it ballooning again after the great purge a while back?

[-] Mr_Wobble@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago

And lo did St Carlo the Broccoli Headed droppeth his divine merch upon thy gyats, absent of any fanum tax, and the fam was filled with much rizz. Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula skibidi. Amen.

[-] kandoh@reddthat.com 1 points 5 months ago

You're using slang from the wrong generation, bae. That's so extra of you, but lowkey I still think you're lit so don't get salty with me or I'll be shook.

Let's get turnt!

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

Outta sight, daddy-o. 23 skiddoo.

this post was submitted on 24 May 2024
58 points (93.9% liked)

Not The Onion

12210 readers
484 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS