164
submitted 1 year ago by tree@lemmy.zip to c/theonion@midwest.social

Hey, Nineties kids! As we’re all getting older, our beloved Furbies are as well: Thousands and thousands of Furbies are now approaching menopause, and it’s affecting everyone around them.

“I’ve owned and sold over a hundred Furbies since they launched in 1998,” says Miranda Collins, a toy collector. “And nearly all of them have grown moody, erratic, and depressed in the past year or two, signaling a massive change in their body that will hopefully subside soon.”

Wow! Those furry little creatures sure have grown up – and are slowly losing their reproductive capacity! Several other collectors have noticed a change among their Furbies, including night sweats, hot flashes, and a reduced sex drive. “We don’t really know when this will be over,” added Miranda. “But we definitely will all breathe a sigh of relief when it finally is. Several of my Furbies just won’t stop crying.” This news sure left us Millennials fumbling for our calcium supplements!


top 11 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] Chriszz@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago

I was very confused on what the hell this was about until I saw the sub

[-] gabe@literature.cafe 14 points 1 year ago

I thought I was witnessing some sort of next level shitpost that I couldn’t comprehend

[-] Chriszz@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Exactly. On that note, theonion would make surreal tier shitposts, more so than they do already in a sense

[-] janNatan@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago

You don't start menopause at 25 years old. This makes no sense.

[-] 520@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

Furbies aren't humans and would not expect to have a human lifecycle if they were real.

The joke is that if you had a Furby, you're officially old.

[-] TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I think the joke is that these "feeling old?" updates are fucking stupid and meaningless

[-] Coreidan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

It’s a bad joke because most people old enough to experience furbies still aren’t old enough to experience menopause.

You’re talking about people who are now in their 40s. Long way off from menopause.

If you’re at menopause age now it’s highly unlikely you had anything to do with furbies in the 90s.

[-] janNatan@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago

I got the joke, but I didn't think about furbies having different life cycles. You've got a good point.

Makes me sad that this implies your Furby is likely to die before you do.

[-] tree@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 year ago

Are you furbysplaining the furb metabolism? smh

[-] OrganicIndependence@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I’m just here to complain about being old. Get off my lawn, you hooligans!

[-] MrClayman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I didn’t know Furbies got menopause.

this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
164 points (97.7% liked)

The Onion

4497 readers
770 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS