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-bug fix: anxiety has been reduced by 50% -bug fix: memory has been buffed by 50% -bug fix: removed reoccurring memories of past failures

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[-] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 59 points 1 year ago

You can, it's called therapy.

[-] Pons_Aelius@kbin.social 33 points 1 year ago

Which, like every mental health treatment, only works for a subset of people.

[-] pizzahoe@lemm.ee 29 points 1 year ago

Most of my friends who have tried therapy just leave after a session or two and claim their problems have gone away, dodge further sessions and never actually gave it a real try. Then a week later they will go through the same issues again. It sucks to see them this way.. I've tried to help them to go to therapy consistently but very few actually do.

You can't solve 20 years worth of emotional issues in a few sessions.. it takes years of therapy to actually get better. Not to mention societal stigma against going to therapy makes it even harder.

[-] Aielman15@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

Years of therapy cost a LOT of money though, not everyone can afford that.

[-] rikudou@lemmings.world 8 points 1 year ago

As the pizza hoe mentioned, it's very country dependent. Where I live, therapists are, like other medical specialists, paid from taxes, so free at the point of use (not all of them, they need some licenses etc.). Or you can pay for them out of pocket if you want.

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[-] StewartGilligan@lemmy.world 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Patch Notes v2.0:

  • Fixed a bug where you would freak out for no reason. Anxiety levels now reduced by 50% - enjoy a smoother, calmer and more stable experience!

  • Upgraded memory capacity by 50%. Say goodbye to forgetting where you put your keys or that one relative who changed your diaper once. You're welcome!

  • Removed those pesky 'Remember that time you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone?' pop ups. Time to move on, folks! No more cringe-filled flashbacks from now on.

Stay tuned for more updates on the Human OS and also a huge thanks to our contributors.

[-] minthenry@lemmy.one 28 points 1 year ago

Bug fix: your tongue and cheeks no longer get bit by your own teeth while eating

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[-] properlypurple@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 1 year ago

You could always use monkey-patching

Drugs, I'm talking about drugs. 🫠

[-] ipha@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago

What drugs? Asking for a friend.

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[-] over_clox@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

-bug fix: enable vitamin c generation ability -bug fix: enable tooth enamel regeneration

[-] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago

That's called drugs.

[-] lntl@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 year ago
[-] Hamartiogonic@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 year ago

They are the updates for your antivirus system.

[-] Etterra@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

-Empathy attribute improved by 50% -bug fix: some players' Empathy attribute was below baseline; these players have had their Empathy attribute reset to baseline.

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[-] jetsetdorito@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago

patch out the bug that causes eyelashes to have a chance to fall into the eye

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[-] Hexagon@feddit.it 14 points 1 year ago
  • bug fix: you can now go to a room without forgetting the reason you went there
  • bug fix: you can now produce your own vitamin C again
[-] tsukigva@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Oh yeah! finally fixed that anxie- Segmentation fault (core dumped)

[-] YourBrainOnScience@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Cursed Monkey Paw:

Wish Granted. You get regular firmware updates, just like HP printers do.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

What do you think vaccines and gene therapy are? :P

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[-] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

The entire field of medicine : Am I a joke to you?

[-] qyron@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 year ago

No you don't. You want to learn how to properly run your hardware.

  • anxiety serves a purpose, forces your fight or flight response, develops survival instinct

  • memory is not meant to be heidetic as not everything is vital information; you want to remember what you had for lunch when you were 3 years old, on a tuesday, mid january?

  • failures are more important than successes; failure teaches you what does not work.

Run your hardware better. Have some therapy, try to sleep more/better and go for a daily walk.

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[-] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago
  • adjusted responsibility level by 1000%
[-] spuncertv@iusearchlinux.fyi 10 points 1 year ago

I'd give my left nut for the allergy update.

No thanks, seen too many bad updates to want to let myself get bricked by a bad update.

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[-] Doorbook@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

-new bug: Due to forgetting of past failure, there is now reoccurring failures.

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[-] Taringano@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

Humans have them. But they are like Linux drivers and upgrades. You have to look for them as invest a lot of. Tike to actually improve.

[-] Shelbyeileen@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Isn't this technically a vaccine? I suppose that's more like Avast for your body

[-] Atemu@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

It's more of a malware definitions update for the antivirus your body already ships with.

[-] darcy@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

"already ships with" 💀

[-] TheGreenGolem@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago
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[-] med@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago

Sure, but you always download the latest bugs.

-known issue: audio skips every 10s

[-] Aielman15@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Fixed a bug where the human would sometimes procrastinate too much, saying "It's a problem of my future self".

[-] db2@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 year ago

Update later? [Y]

[-] Bad_Rats@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Eh, I'll put it on the back log

[-] ipha@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

Just open source the code. Let me hack on it.

[-] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 year ago

I'm afraid we lost the source code long ago, we've just been stochastically binary patching for a few billion years. At least there's a disassembler: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/projects/genome/guide/human/

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[-] Zelyios@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

This is the meditation update that you're looking for

[-] Alperto@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

Reading books, studying, learning new things, is our way to update our firmware to make new things, or give us new tools to fight anxiety or depression.

Also, to improve your math skills, you have to do maths often, and the brain will get better at it.

The brain is like a muscle that you can train to become stronger at things that hurt you or better at things that you need.

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[-] Zozano@aussie.zone 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Can I get a perceived attractiveness buff plz

Also, combined sex and waste organs; awful idea.

Human babies need a buff, they're functionally useless for far too long. Other mammals can stand immediately.

Way too many incompatible preference traits. Cheese being delicious but also requiring to enslave another being for manufacturing, with a 50/50 chance it makes your asshole explode. Way too chaotic.

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[-] Tolstoshev@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago
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this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2023
502 points (95.6% liked)

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