Lifespan of dogs and cats increased due to popular demand

Enabled wealth cap. Several players were holding on to massive amounts of money, artificially inflating the in-game economy and driving prices higher than the average player can realistically afford.

Mosquitoes removed in the latest patch

Fixed a timing bug were 5 hours of work only made the clock advance by 5 minutes, and 5 minutes of spare time randomly made the clock advance by 5 hours.

Sound speed fix, sound now travels the same speed as light.

This change has been reverted as it caused all high explosives to have the effect of nuclear weapons. The developers apologize for the inconvenience. In compensation, DNA has been given resistance to radiation damage: this reduces the speed of evolution, but prevents cancers from all the nuclear waste caused by the previous patch. As a bonus, humans with low melanin no longer develop skin cancer due to perfectly ordinary sunlight. Sunburn is still a hazard; wear sunscreen!

Rotation now set to "standard" 24 hours exactly. No more wonky 23.99873 hours screwing up automated functions every 12 years.

Those weird hairless monkies destroying the planet now reproduce at 10% of the speed.

For the America server, it’d be nice if they got rid of the MAGA.exe virus and patched the vulnerabilities it used to cause problems in the code.

OP: EARTH get an update.

Also OP: let me rewrite the laws of physics that apply to the entire universe.

Fixed typo resulting in ticks giving lyme disease instead of limes diseases. Ticks now properly feed on fruit juices instead of blood.

Nothing too bad. Wasps and hornets now have knives. Enjoy 😊

• Fixed pathfinding for common winged insects. When attempting to leave enclosed areas they should no longer bounce off windows two inches from the intended exit point.

The big skin color patch is here!

After hearing many player requests, human skin can now appear in popular colors such as gray, purple, orange, and iridescent turquoise.

Skin color heritability has been reduced, allowing the new colors to be introduced naturally at character creation time. We expect this will also reduce some skin-color-related bad behavior that players have reported.

For players wishing to change to one of the new (or old!) options, we've released a series of colorful plants that can be consumed to change skin color.

• Climate control bug has been fixed
• NPC balancing. Added air and land mammals that feed on humans. Added sea mammals that are super territorial and attack human shipping vessels.
• COVID24 has been introduced to correct previously mentioned balancing issues
• After review, many extinct large animals have been reintroduced since they disappeared to correct effects of balancing issues

Speed sound fix introduces some terrible new bugs where everything sounds really weird. Musical instruments need to be a million times bigger. Alas humans wouldn't survive to experience these spectacular changes. Even the soft whistle of a flute would blast anything in its vicinity to smithereens.

Removed herobrine, again

Strange bug led to monkeys evolving well past other species and dominating before anyone else can get to late game, because of this we've increased the learning and beneficial evolution speeds across the board.

Updated the human immune system to function as intended. This will fix the following issues:

1. There was a bug which allowed some microscopic entities to negatively impact the performance of human entities. This should no longer occur.

2. Another bug that caused the immune system to improperly identify friendly or beneficial items as life threatening has been corrected.

3. The immune system will no longer fail to recognize some cells that have corrupted genetic code. Should result in the elimination of the unintended cancer debuff that was introduced by the evolution process.

• Existence fix: Implemented a streamlined mechanism allowing individuals to gracefully cease existence during their life cycle, eliminating the need for complex workarounds with forceful self-terminations.

• Cop improvements: Implemented comprehensive updates to law enforcement algorithms, removing instances of impulsive or biased behavior, ensuring that officers adhere to the law they uphold. Additionally, the "suicide by cop" scenario is now obsolete due to the existence fix, rendering it unnecessary.

• Economic System Enhancement: Implemented measures to rebalance wealth distribution by debuffing excessively wealthy individuals, promoting a more equitable economy. Prohibited money hacks to ensure fair play and integrity within the financial system. Disrupted exploits of the economy system to maintain a level playing field for all participants.

All vegetation is now edible and extremely healthy.

Fixed a balance issue with homo sapiens' spines. Now less humans should suffer from spinal illnesses and back pains.

patch earth-00137900.12023.09a

• make 1/137 show up more often to mess with scientists

• add syntax highlighting to maths

[bugfix] patch earth-00137900.12023.09b

• π is no longer irrational

The issue of the octopus lifespan has been fixed. Now instead of a median lifespan of 2 years, they have their normal lifespan of 200.

Animals can now speak to humans

The update doesn't worry me....turning it off and on again worries me

You no longer go blind if you look directly at the sun.

• Many humans reported an issue where their children would cry in the middle of the night. This has been fixed.

• Fixed many other issues that were preventing a full night's sleep.

Banned humans because of griefing

For sound to increase to the speed of light, our air would have to increase in density so much it would crush the planet.

Human nature nerfing. 20% less full of shit, evil and greedy.

Karma now procs 75% of the time.

Invasive species fix, plants are much slower and less likely to establish outside their native habitat range. These plants can still be cultivated as specimens but they will not reproduce themselves to the point of eradicating native species.