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Anon gets diagnosed (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 month ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[-] Jerkface@lemmy.world 112 points 1 month ago

YO, my mom did this to me! In fact I figured a lot of this shit out when I found r/raisedbynarcissists. I saw a lot of people there claimed to be on the spectrum which I thought was pretty weird. So I follow the rabbit hole and I learn about PTSD, CPTSD and I start seeing a therapist about it. Turns out she just didn't want to be responsible for fucking up her kid.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 month ago

Is it not common for people with autism to develop cptsd though? It could be possible you have both right?

[-] Jerkface@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago

No it's more likely that my emotionally and financially abusive car stealing, gaslighting, steal-money-out-of-my-wallet-while-I'm-sleeping parent just didn't want to be held accountable for her shitty "parenting." Also the multiple expert evaluations that say I'm not diagnosably autistic. But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?

[-] Sinaf@lemmy.world 53 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?

I think you don't really mean these words and you are subconsciously projecting the feelings you feel towards your mother onto an unknown person on the Internet.

Here's some cocain to calm your nerves.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 month ago

Yes it was a genuine innocent inquiry. Didn't mean to offend.

[-] colderr@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

I don't want to be mean, but their name is Jerkface.

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[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 6 points 1 month ago

I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.

When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is "wrong" with you after all is always there. It takes courage.

If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.

I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

I see now how my question could be taken as a malicious one, I do apologize, thanks for explaining.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 5 points 1 month ago

No apologies necessary, in my opinion. You did not mean anything negative and you did not know. I just wanted to explain the other side.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 23 points 1 month ago

Yoooo, I'm AuDHD and my father was a raging narcissist (possibly psychopath). Additionally, I'm currently recovering from CPTSD after a hell of a lot of recent emotional abuse. I get the intense emotions feeling invalidated brings up. They're legit and justified. As a survivor of that insane childhood and environment, it hurts to see others go through it because I know how bad it can be. Other people will never be able to understand it if they even believe you, so I'm sorry you went through that. You were just a kid, and no matter your reactions and behaviors at the time, it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault because it's all you knew.

Sometimes though, people are only asking a question to gather information and clarify, not build a case against you, imply that you're "wrong", and make you look like the "crazy one". I can't speak on their behalf, but I think @candyman337@sh.itjust.works was just asking to understand better and didn't mean anything against you by it. If that's the case, then while your reaction makes complete sense, you might have better outcomes if you were to practice assessing situations and responding in a way that helps you reach your goals. This would give you more control over your life while compassionately validating yourself. It would also help you avoid the trap that narcissists lay when they trigger you to act out to make you look unhinged. So either way, unless you're in immediate physical danger, staying calm and collected is the best move.

Also, my intention is merely to help you. I am not trying to insult you, imply fault, or make any judgement on your character. We all make mistakes sometimes (I still make them all the time), so it is completely understandable. All it means is that you're trying, and that's something to be proud of considering the history of what you've been through. I hope this comment helps you ❤️

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[-] rottingleaf@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

It's just that some of us are autistic and have had wrong parenting, only due to various kinds of stigma our parents, on the contrary, only looked for confirmation that we (and them) are "normal". So please consider that.

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[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 4 points 1 month ago

The same thing happened to me. I did not know it is a common thing! I was told I am autistic, but it turns out I have CPTSD. I think telling me I was autistic it was just an easy was to blame the ways in which I responded to being traumatised on me again.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 42 points 1 month ago

turns out my whole family is toxic as *hit because we all have adhd or autism, i have both. dad is autistic, mom has adhd.

i am the only one diagnosed with treatment.

i blocked half of my family, for good reason.

[-] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 64 points 1 month ago

You can say shit on the internet. If you're gonna self censor just don't use the word at all ffs

[-] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 month ago

Right?

Say the word or pick a different word.

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[-] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Oh that's what it is. I read that as "hit" and kept looking for the closing '*'. That is so fucking annoying.

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[-] match@pawb.social 9 points 1 month ago

if the microplastics cause neurodivergence how the fuck would we ever know

[-] ayaya@lemdro.id 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Similar story here. Asperger's runs on both of my parents' sides of the family. In addition Dad has ADHD and mom has BPD. I ended up with the Autism+ADHD combo with sprinkling of CPTSD on top. I don't even know where the neurological problems end and the psychological problems begin.

Have not talked to either in well over a decade.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 8 points 1 month ago

I read that adhd families are way often structured in very unhealthy was than you might think.

my theory is, that my siblings and my mom don't want to get diagnosed, because then they had to accept that they are defective; the are living the delusion that all their countless adhd problems are somebodies elses fault.

they can never break out of that thinking.

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[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 37 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I thought I was the only one! I really did not know that this is something that happens more often.

My mother managed to convince her psychiatrist to diagnose me with autism when I was 13. He told me that I had autism and that if I did not get treated, I would be alone forever and I would never be able to make friends. He also called it a handicap. No treatment was started, there was no help or anything after that. The psychiatrist told me and I never saw him again. My mother told everyone around her I was autistic and they all felt very bad for her, including me. I felt really sad she had me for a daughter and I hated myself for being who I was. I also was bullied in school and I thought it was my own fault because I was autistic and therefore I did stuff that made others bully me. I was the one in the wrong and it was just a response to that, I felt.

Turns out I am not autistic at all. Like, I had it checked out thoroughly and there was no doubt about it. I actually an able to emphasise with others better than average etc. I also have some really close friends, which I made once I was able to leave home. I do have CPTSD though from severe emotional neglect and psychological abuse.

It is so weird to see similar stories here. I know my social skills are fine, but I still feel insecure about my social functioning. I am always looking for stuff I might do wrong that confirms that I am autistic after all. I also still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me and as if my existence is somehow an enormous burden for others. (This is not how I feel about autistic people, but it is how I was made to feel about myself by that diagnosis.) It is a feeling that is very difficult to change.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 14 points 1 month ago

It's easier for shitty parents to blame anyone but themselves

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 4 points 1 month ago

Yes, definitely. I did have a lot of symptoms of trauma as a child, in hindsight. This provided an explanation for that in which my parents weren't blamed for it and it was just all on me again.

[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

I got constant anxiety attacks about how my mom will react to anything.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 2 points 1 month ago

Are you still in that situation or do you mean that that happened in the past? For me it got better once I left home. Although I was still in contact with her. Now it is much better, because I only occasionally have contact with her and only via text. It took me years to get there, but I did. I hope you do too if you have not already.

[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Yes and no. Right now I am kind of dependent on her because the last two jobs I had both went under so I am unemployed. She helps me and I need it. But at the same time I feel like its more of a control thing. I love her, but I cannot deny how she makes me feel whenever I make the tiniest mistake and she basically blamed me for those companies shitting the bed.

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[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago

thats a trauma response

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this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2024
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