"sorry, I use Linux and have no idea how that Windows stuff works..."
And then you help them anyway.
Them: how'd you figure it out?
Me: I typed your problem into Google and read the page it recommended. You should try it
Them: I typed my problem into Google and it told me to download GoodComputerFix.exe and now it won't turn on.
That's fine. We all need to rest after serious procedures and computers are no different
You needed to download some RAM first.
Same here but when someone asks me a question about iPhones. I know very little about them since I use android, but since I'm the "computer guy" I must be able to fix iphones too
Just jailbreak it and install lineage os
Yup. Someone asked my grandma why she has an Android instead of an iPhone and it's literally because it was such a pain in the ass trying to help her with the iPhone when she had one. My work phone is now an iPhone and I still hate it.
Also I somehow became "The Mac Expert" at work and have no fucking clue how.
Unironically me
Oh nonono, i have a cool computer project! You see, i have this app idea which will make us a lot of money! And i think that you can code the app!
But first, can you fix my printer?
Sure I just need my sledge
A few jobs ago, we had a fleet (2K+) of mobile inkjet and Zebra printers that we were responsible for for some ungodly reason.
The Big Blue Sledgehammer from Lowe's was the official method of decommissioning them per the IT disposal policy. That I wrote.
That's the only thing I miss about that job.
But first, can you fix my printer?
"I need it to print off the marketing flyers for the app."
I have the worst story about this. I had just graduated college, but I immediately found a job. My friend's dad, who I owed more favors to than I could count (he was like a second dad to me), asked me if I could help his friend with an app idea he had. I told him I would be starting a new job soon, and I doubt I would have time to commit to that. He asked me to at least hear this guy out, and I figured, what's the harm in just listening to this guy's idea? I could always just say no.
So he set it all up. His friend would call me and we would talk about his app idea. So the day came, and the guy called me, and I realized quickly that this guy was treating this like a job interview, not like, "I have this idea, can you help me?" But he wouldn't even tell me what the app idea was. He kept saying things like we would need to sign an NDA and it was a trade secret. He was asking things like, "what could do for me? What could you bring to the table? Why should I consider you for this position? Why are you the right person for the job?" Finally, I had enough, because I didn't even want to talk to him in the first place, let alone help him with his app, and now he was acting like he was doing a favor to me. So I said that I'm not the right person for the job and that I think he should find someone else.
He immediately changed his tune and started trying to tell me about his app idea to keep me interested. His app idea was to essentially have what the camera is seeing be the background for your phone, so you can use your phone while driving and still see what is in front of you. He acted like it was some sort of great safety app to protect pedestrians and bicyclists. I told him flat out that that was the worst idea for an app ever and that it's almost certainly illegal. And that was pretty much the end of the conversation.
This idea sucks on so, SO many levels! It's only doable on Android as a Live Wallpaper. As a messaging app which could run on Android and iOS it solves jack since you usually look down on the phone so the ability to see what's behind the phone doesn't add much, especially since the keyboard will obsure some of the view. The text needs to remain legible no matter what you have in the view so have fun creating an algorithm that determines whether you want black or white text (assuming you want the same behavior as iOS). Perhaps you want to add some blur to ensure that the text stands out.
And finally: The user will probably focus on the message so there's a chance that the user will crash into someone or something anyway.
There was an SMS app for android that did the whole camera view as background so you could text while walking. I never tried it because it seemed like a bad idea.
It's like Grindr but for mice, we'll be rich mate.
Of course I’ll keep 80% because I’m the idea guy but trust me bro it’s gonna be huge!
Random person I met the very first time two days ago while on a walk with one of my dogs: so what do you do for a living?
Me: software engineering.
Them: oh great. I have this issue with my computer ...
If it's a software issue just tell them to install gnu/linux. That might make their issues worse but at least you converted someone to the ~~cult~~ religion!
I've done that to my sister. At least now I know what the problem might be. I have no idea how Windows works anymore. Haven't touched that wretched thing in the last decade or so.
Always a good idea to base decisions on 10 year old information.
If your ability to help is 10 years old as well it might indeed be a good idea to recommend something you know more about. I'm in the same boat, I lost almost all memory of Windows troubleshooting over the last years. It's not been a decade, but Windows 8 was the last version I touched.
I DIDN'T wanna base any information/help on 10 year old knowledge. That's why I asked her to switch, so that I can actually help her out using up to date knowledge.
No no.
Them: I have this issue with my ~~computer~~ printer ...
Hey i know you work as a programmer, i wanna but nintendo switch and play cyberpunk. Should i buy blue/red or grey version? What is the difference between lite and oled?
nothing, they all run cyberpunk at the same framerate
Say, do you know how to fix a printer?
Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)
