711
submitted 1 year ago by sjmarf@sh.itjust.works to c/memes@lemmy.ml
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[-] Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 1 year ago
[-] alvvayson@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

A complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

*poop knife and poop ruler

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[-] Absolute_Axoltl@feddit.uk 64 points 1 year ago

Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached

[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

That thing only works for standard length tho

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[-] Trollivier@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 year ago

Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.

[-] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 30 points 1 year ago

The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 5 points 1 year ago

Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.

[-] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago

While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.

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[-] dulce_3t_decorum_3st@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago

The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.

[-] superduperenigma@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago
[-] RQG@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

The first letter if Bigger. That computes.

[-] sirico@feddit.uk 19 points 1 year ago
[-] ultratiem@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 year ago

Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[-] HeyMrDeadMan@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

That's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.

[-] urinnerchild87@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I think 2.5 inches would be closer to a soda can if we're using references.

[-] Madison420@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

2.5" in diameter is just under a baseball (2.8").

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[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

They should just refer to the caliber

[-] dodslaser@feddit.nu 3 points 1 year ago

I fire 120 mm high-explosive rounds

[-] hydrospanner@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Relevant username.

That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.

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[-] Ecology8622@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.

[-] funkajunk@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.

That's bigger than a Coke can.

[-] Rootiest@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.

I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.

They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign

[-] Gork@lemm.ee 11 points 1 year ago

Time to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.

[-] somethingsnappy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

That is way less volume. Acceptable.

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[-] TimeSquirrel@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.

[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago

When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔

[-] deadcat@aussie.zone 10 points 1 year ago

Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.

[-] shortypants@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 8 points 1 year ago

That's the size of a standard UK beer can.

What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?

[-] frokie@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

What should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?

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[-] empireOfLove@lemmy.one 7 points 1 year ago

Damn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it

[-] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

How many courics is that?

[-] flipthetube@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago
[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Ah crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.

[-] comador@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Okay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?

[-] timdave@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Gotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"

[-] negativeyoda@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Now we all know where Goatse poops

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this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
711 points (98.4% liked)

Memes

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