711
submitted 2 years ago by sjmarf@sh.itjust.works to c/memes@lemmy.ml
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[-] Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 2 years ago
[-] alvvayson@lemmy.world 28 points 2 years ago

A complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 10 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

*poop knife and poop ruler

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[-] Absolute_Axoltl@feddit.uk 64 points 2 years ago

Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached

[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

That thing only works for standard length tho

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[-] Trollivier@sh.itjust.works 31 points 2 years ago

Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.

[-] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 30 points 2 years ago

The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 5 points 2 years ago

Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.

[-] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 years ago

While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.

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[-] dulce_3t_decorum_3st@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago

The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.

[-] superduperenigma@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago
[-] RQG@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

The first letter if Bigger. That computes.

[-] sirico@feddit.uk 19 points 2 years ago
[-] ultratiem@lemmy.ca 17 points 2 years ago

Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[-] HeyMrDeadMan@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

That's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.

[-] SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 years ago
[-] urinnerchild87@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

I think 2.5 inches would be closer to a soda can if we're using references.

[-] Madison420@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

2.5" in diameter is just under a baseball (2.8").

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[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

They should just refer to the caliber

[-] dodslaser@feddit.nu 3 points 2 years ago

I fire 120 mm high-explosive rounds

[-] hydrospanner@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Relevant username.

That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.

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[-] Ecology8622@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 years ago

Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.

[-] funkajunk@lemm.ee 12 points 2 years ago

Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.

That's bigger than a Coke can.

[-] Rootiest@lemm.ee 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.

I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.

They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign

[-] Gork@lemm.ee 11 points 2 years ago

Time to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.

[-] somethingsnappy@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

That is way less volume. Acceptable.

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[-] TimeSquirrel@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.

[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 11 points 2 years ago

When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔

[-] deadcat@aussie.zone 10 points 2 years ago

Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.

[-] shortypants@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 8 points 2 years ago

That's the size of a standard UK beer can.

What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?

[-] frokie@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

What should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?

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[-] empireOfLove@lemmy.one 7 points 2 years ago

Damn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it

[-] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

How many courics is that?

[-] flipthetube@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago
[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Ah crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.

[-] comador@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Okay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?

[-] timdave@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Gotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"

[-] negativeyoda@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Now we all know where Goatse poops

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this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
711 points (98.4% liked)

Memes

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