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(Washington D.C.) After two weeks of the new presidential administration, the country and the world have seen tremendous change. The US has cut off most aid, begun laying off government workers, and installing choices many call questionable into key cabinet positions. But as the snowballing consequences begin hurtling towards us for these choices, republicans remain delighted they’re happening.

“I bet them deep state spies are quaking in their boots,” said Erma Kruntz, as she nervously waited by her mailbox for her medicare check. “I’m tired of paying for so many people to sit around and make my money, not that I pay taxes, and this efficiency thing is gonna fix that.”

Kruntz, whose benefit check may be delayed by government confusion over furloughs, is not the only one cheering trump’s changes. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow de-tangler in North Carolina, shares similar thoughts. “We send money all over the world, while people are starving here in America. We need to take that money and use it to pay less taxes.”

Economists, however, are less optimistic. “My grant is frozen,” said one economist, “so if you give me $200, I’ll say whatever you want.”

He continued, “this $200 makes a good point; as government support goes away, experts will become more dependent on biased funding sources to give comments or do research. There’s no telling what I might do for another $200 - no talking points are off limits.”

But economists predicting that butter can become a new form of online coin does not dampen the spirits of those oh-so-innocent republican voters skipping into the deep woods of reality. “I’m really excited Bout those tariffs,” said one. “I’d love to see China pay my taxes.”

That sentiment can only be tested by the coming months.

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[-] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 41 points 3 days ago

I just want to specify I wrote this before the tariff announcements.

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

It's ok. Most people knew this before the election even happened.

[-] DirkMcCallahan@lemmy.world 49 points 3 days ago

I mean, if r/conservative is to believed, Republican voters ARE delighted with the fucking around.

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

I'm going to assume that you're assuming that. Otherwise that would imply that you went to r/conservative and read the content.

If I ever found myself interested in the content posted at r/conservative, I would put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.

[-] SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I would also rather kill myself before visiting r/conservative, but aren't there easier methods to use a shotgun than pulling the trigger with your toes?

[-] Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 days ago

Depends how long the barrel is versus your arm length and if you want to go out how you lived life, with a foot fetish.

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Well that's kind of the point of the statement. It's basically saying "I'd go through all this extra effort just to prove a point."

[-] SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago
[-] A_A@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago

Hi @bradorsomething@ttrpg.network
you forgot to include the link in your post.

[-] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 40 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I wrote it. Here. This is the original link.

Edit: I was on the fence about cursing in the title needing a NSFW tag, and decided against. Anyone have good guidance on that?

[-] A_A@lemmy.world 31 points 3 days ago

Oh ! You are the author, the writer ! This is very well written ... I thought it was from The Onion 😌

[-] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 32 points 3 days ago

Thanks, I’ve done a number of these lately, the new administration is just rich with material.

[-] Infynis@midwest.social 5 points 2 days ago

You did a great job! When I read "cow-detangler," I was sure it was the real Onion. I love their dumb Interviewee names

[-] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 days ago

Very well done. I chortled twice and smiled like an idiot through most of it. Carry on.

[-] Nitchevo@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Thank you, you genuinely made me laugh, and I needed it. Stay safe and funny!

[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago

The blind leading the lame

Altogether now

I hate everyone

I hate everyone

I hate everyone

Upon this cursed Earth.

this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2025
290 points (97.4% liked)

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