676
i always fall down with laughter when u guys do stuff like this!
Please keep it up!
It's true though, there's a fire sale going on.
There's a falling knife going on, with the floor nowhere near.
Caught this one right away when they used "philanthropist" and "Trump" in the same sentence, and it wasn't "Trump is not a philanthropist".
I wish I could buy stocks right now…
You still can afford to buy socks. That's almost the same, just a letter of difference.
We have no idea how far the market will crash.
Give it two more weeks and everybody will be able to!
No one is stopping you.
I can't just buy in an impulse. I need to study before doing so.
Study what exactly?
To be fair you shouldn’t just be buying stocks and shares randomly. But there is loads of easily available info on ETFs.
Yes, global all cap index is the way to go.
EutelSat, and the European MIC just got a $800b investment. Also, NANC and KRUZ might work. They follow the stock actions of major politicians like Pelosi, though dated by 30-60ish days IIRC. You won't be quite on top of things with them, but at least you will be imitating the moves of the most informed fish.
...mind, if the market tanks, buying and selling might move too quickly for NANC and Kruz to be useful.
Good to see a bona fide Onion article instead of the ‘we have the Onion at home’ slop every other media outlet has been pushing lately. Brings a tear to the eye.
this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2025
676 points (99.1% liked)
The Onion
5604 readers
867 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS