Really doesn't work with my life. Extreme, sudden expenses, such as a 6k health insurance debt, hit me with as much surprise as a sudden project that pays 20k within 20 days. I just got to roll with it and hope it stays in the + somehow.

He seems completely incompetent altogether. I expressed concern that a stimulant would not be right for me, as even coffee has an extreme effect when taken after a long pause. But everybody, GP, therapist and psychiatrist, insisted that we should try MPH or AMP, as it is so much better, even though the whole prescription process is complicated for a schedule 2. And it worked out great from the very start.

He seems to worry about the wrong things. To rather let a patient in his care suffer with 3rd choice meds for months (?), followed up unmedicated than take the chance that you might be a 1%er who abuses it. For which there isn't even much indication, as you have a prescription.

However, if I really try to give him the benefit of a doubt: A quick search shows that there are some risks in combining weed and medical stimulants. The positive effect can be reduced, and cardiovascular risks of stimulants increase. So, without medical training, I don't know if that means that you have to search for alternative for either of those first (switch either the pain meds or the ADHD meds), and then continue treatment for both, or if it really is so risky that you absolutely must keep one of the conditions untreated. As far as I understand, weed is rarely the only option and, at best, only slightly better than the next best alternative. For ADHD, on the other hand, MPH or AMP or so much better than the next best alternative. I tried Modafinil myself, and the side effects were severe.

So maybe his tone was just off, and he should have explained those careful considerations for the best therapy options, rather than be like "eek junkie, get out until you are clean".

I might be completely wrong here, it's literally what spins off in my head after 2 minutes of search.

When that happens, I do manage to finish the sentence by appending grammatically correct tokens, like an LLM, though

Not sure if related, but I have absolutely no problem getting things in the household done when I'm voicechatting with a friend. Odd as it is, videos that don't require watching while listening (e. g. youtubers that just talk into the camera) also work, but podcasts don't (must be mental).

When I can't get my "fix", no friends with time online and no interesting video of that type, I end up searching for it so long that I get too little sleep, rather than just do the 15 minutes work without.

The method-method: Keep reading about, applying and stacking methods, finding out which ones work for you.

Be meticulous about them, e. g.:

• Can't interrupt a pomodoro session, not even to pee. If it does get interrupted, e. g. a look on the phone screen when it makes a sound, the session is aborted and marked a fail.
• Work strictly by todo list. When something is done but wasn't on the list to check off, it doesn't count as done. Instead of guilt mode immediately, do ONE item from the list and then procrastinate. When there is no list, start the list and then do your procrastination.
• Guilt-free procrastination: Set a time when you stop. E. g.: I keep doomscrolling until 1:10, and then do the thing. Nice thing is that this is now "legal doomscrolling", shorter, but guilt-free.
• Get started. Instead of 0 pushups, do 1 pushup. Instead of no meditation, get into the position and take three deep breaths, done.

Tbh, with all that, I still do only a fraction of what I should. But at least something gets done. Becoming just 70 % ineffective, like you, is my current goal :-) But maybe it helps you progress from where you are anyway.

It happens, even with popular kids. A friend from daycare invited many people for her 5th, but due to bad timing with vacation, nobody showed up. Nobody. Her 6th was fine, as about 8 out of 14 came.

My son invited 5 for his 5th, but due to some misfortune with sickness etc., only two siblings came. It turned out to be one of his best birthdays ever.

Best to ask for a commitment, a clear yes or no. But in your case, 5 is a good number for a party! 1 or 0 would have been kind of awkward.

The biggest issue was that when I was in a phase where I pursued something worthwhile, such as a science project, electronics, programming, they stopped me and said I obsessed too much over it, took it away, said I needed to focus more on something else. Which then did not stick, as it was forced, of course.

That's exactly the kind of obsession that leads to success, though, and it took me years to recover after moving out. Wish I had those skills I wanted to get in all those areas, but I had to focus on one thing at that point, as the end of my 20s was approaching.

Also when they forced me to do something like "clean your room, immediately, until it is done". With the tools at hand now, I know that I have to talk to myself like "in 20 minutes, set a 15 minute timer and get as much done as you can" or "pick one aspect (garbage, floor, desk) and do that immediately". Or with homework: I know now that one tool I needed was to set everything up at the desk ready to start to get over that first step. An order like "all homework needs to be done immediately to perfection" does not work.

With my own child, the problem is that I don't know who he really is down to the core. Is "10 minutes of cleaning on a stopwatch before dinner" just the right push, or too much sometimes, or too little?

I think a little push is right, to yourself and to your children, but it needs to be a "relative push", depending on the person, the day etc. Some days, just staying in bed and crying is already the best you can do. At our best, we might be capable of doing 10 hours focussed tasks and just need a little "come on, do it". Which of those is it? That's the question. I find that meditation helps best to get a feeling for that. Sometimes, I just need a nap and didn't realise, and that's why it felt like the world is ending.

Chaining dozens of coping methods together helps a little bit, including:

• strictly working with lists. When I do it and it's not on the list & checked off, it doesn't count as done. What's not on the list doesn't get done
• implementation intention: Since my brain refuses "must do now" situations, use a trigger like: "If it's not done by 8 p.m., work on it with a stopwatch for 15 minutes"
• for the list, turn everything into a module. Instead of "do the kitchen", have subitems like "collect all garbage", "sort by food / non-food", "clean surface 1/2/3/floor". For studying & work, a module is always 25 or 50 minutes of full focus, no distractions. When I have to get up to get water or pee, it counts as failed and is not checked off

Yay, life on hard mode.

I also felt bad about it for a while. I'm a scientist by heart, 100 %, and I knew I had the intellect to get a degree. I thought the reason why I didn't anyway was because I was also some kind of assclown.

Fortunately, my degree attempt coincided with a useful obsession, for a change: My old programming hobby. The obsession ended like all the others, but the knowledge that stuck from going 14 hours per day was enough to get food on the table for decades to come.

It's just now that I realise I never was an assclown, and I never "decided" to quit my degree. It was ADHD, and I never stood a chance, not with "discipline" or just "deciding" alone. Knowing it, with treatment plus self-acquired methods & tricks, it would have been an option back then, and maybe I'll go for it again, if time allows.

Pushing yourself is good, but it needs to be a "relative" push based on your ability. Could be 5 hours of hard studying / cleaning / whatever for some. For others, or the same person on a different day, getting one bag of garbage and filling it, or studying 25 minutes is already the best.

Your post is a good start to collect ideas for moving forward, at your own pace. It won't be easy, but your situation is objectively not as bad as it feels to you. Maybe it can be a small step towards improving your condition?

I think it should be relative to the person's abilities. 8 hours of work, laundry, 50 minutes focussed studying, healthy dinner, remembering aunt's birthday and bedtime at 10 might seem reasonable to most. Some with ADHD might also pull it off. For others, their best is to do one of those things after work.

Different people, good and bad days. Absolute measure & judgement for everybody is the problem.

I can nap on Modafinil, which is a narcoleptic drug used only off-label for ADHD. It's basically like coffee on coffee.

Good job achieving all that on hard mode!