You forgot the pre-1700s picture where all of the US is red.
We are those who join forces and we also burn crosses.
That encountering quick sand in real life was a real possibility every day.
Bonus: My kid doesn't believe that Santa is magical, he just has really advanced technology.
A Thanksgiving duck!
I blew way too much money on a stuffed dog at a hotel general store for my wife. We were driving a Uhaul during a snowstorm to move in together. The roads became very slippery so we decided to sleep through the storm. It was our first hotel stay together and money was very tight, but it was a romantic gesture. She cherished it until our son claimed it as his own personal "security blanket."
This is the right amount of crazy that I'm not sure if it's honest or parody for this country.
Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he's in my heart, checkmate atheists.
Still waiting on Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
Most states do (illegal to pump your own in New Jersey), but the joke is more about tipping culture in this country.
I'd start by wondering how in the hell I got a girlfriend, then my wife would do the same.
own a home
Too bad boomers ruined my best chance at that.
At least she's interesting.
It's also a way to bring you into the store, particularly Costco and Sam's Club. If they can get you in the door, they can entice you with impulse purchases. For me, it's a good way to have a cheap, somewhat healthy meal when we don't have much time, all while picking up some groceries.