Reasonably obligatory xkcd?

https://xkcd.com/2501/

Aw, I remember coworkers had gotten corn and onion pizzas as a treat the first time I visited my remote office in Taipei (from Pizza Hut). I believe there were also shrimp pizzas, I felt very special 😊

But yes, alas it seems rare here in the US!

A legged continuity.

That's definitely a frustrating situation you have, and I very much encourage you to take the path that feels most possible to you!

Before moving on, I would like to point to trying what u/mvirts suggested, disabling ACPI from the grub bootloader. It's easy and great for getting an installer running and working, and sometimes the freshly installed and updated OS whisks the problem away.

But regardless of what you choose, I wish you much luck in your endeavours!

Agreed with others that this is likely a BIOS issue, and it would be good to check for a firmware update first.

In particular, this looks like it might be an issue with the USB port locations described by your BIOS ACPI. Maybe one of the embedded root hubs? You might be able to play with USB settings in the BIOS Config to see if that helps, especially loading default values. I also think it might be possible to blacklist ports from kernel parameters and that could be a good check... but I'm not very familiar with the parameters in recent years and didn't find anything in a quick search.

As a last ditch, you can disable ACPI entirely, but it can/will cause very odd performance and configuration issues along with no power management. (This goes double for portable systems.)

All joking aside, I would like to point out that the main dish at Waffle House is hash browns. I just don't want folks to be confused about such an important thing!

This makes me feel so much better after spending a morning banging my head against some wild pointer arithmetic, thank you much much! (Ultimately the pointer incantations were successful, praise be!)

More accurately, "prior" is much less ambiguous than "last" and thus more likely to satisfy the predilections of a pedant.

Gosh I love the depth of pedantry available to descriptivists!

This feels like a Ryan Gosling reskin of a 3Blue1Brown video 😅 (which I guess really isn't even a little surprising... But it's a chance spread the good word of Mr. Sanderson!)

But what about the consequences of avoiding the consequences??

I'm a bit surprised you thought of SMBus and not I2C! Although lord knows I've seen enough garbled and missing battery traffic from bad connectors, so who am I to say...

Well, the human ones anyway...