fell off it at about the 1/4 mark, want to pick it back up cuz it was really good but life just doing a bit too much life-ing & i can't find the space for it. i'm also afraid of how i'm gonna feel reading the later parts...

heard a rumor that the workers at my first job outta college are gonna go on strike, it's a shitass greenwashing recycling nonprofit. good shit, that job expected you to eat so much shit with a culty smile on poverty wages, peak NGO brain. hope my union siblings-in-spirit get the fukin bag.

the omnip[resent suffocating feeling living deep inside the darkest & stupidest timeline also doesn't help

got irl community, close friends, comrades, and a nu-boo (all great) but the fact that i spend 1/3 of my waking life wage laboring still got me feeling depressed as shit near-constantly & my job isn't even that bad

dey say there's like a separateness between tha self and the otha....but do dey know that for shore?? i mean they'd have to measure all tha different pawts of reality tuh know that, and not even computahs can do all that shit.

(this is a very much work-throughable issue for me i like to do a little exaggerated half-joking as a treat it helps me vent)

it's actually normal (and maybe even friggin cool as fuck????) for ur reptile brain to scream at u to bail on a relationship at the first sign of conflict, disagreement, or less than perfectly mess-free vulnerability. no i will not research attachment theory no i do not know what avoidance is, i am not a nerd & have therefore never researched anything in my LiFE & wisely avoid learning new woreds like the plAGUE!!

that's possible but as someone who jumps to worst possible scenarios/conclusions because of Bad Brain, i say from experience that strikes me as jumping to a worst possible conclusion. like i gush about my friends and comrades to people in my life including partners, it's just cuz i like/love the ppl im gushing abt. but again i don't know your work friends overall vibe, or the overall vibe of her relaysh.

also echoing wht other post said that she cld be signalling she's unavailable but still values u as a work friend/friend in general, common way for people (especially women to men) to convey that.

me & nu-boo are reading a toni morrison novel together and huh this woman was pretty goated at writing fiction wasn't she?

our personal dramas & troubles, so big in our hearts...but our hearts so small in the world

& teh world so small.....in the universe

idk if i'm missing context but she probably just values you as a person and has a healthy enough relaysh with her partner that she can communicate that. are you afraid he'd get jealous or something?

The accelerationist in me prefers a flare-up over a slow burn, so I dunno.

imo things getting worse without the working class building & bolstering militant institutions of direct power just means things get worse. you need capitalism to hit a crisis point + the working class to become an actual existential threat and force to be reckoned with for revolutionary change to go down. the amerikan left is nascent at best rn (though in my most optimistic moments i think maybe we're planting strong seeds, or at least stronger seeds than it seems at a glance), so anything that alleviates suffering and buys our class time to build the bones of something substantial is the best outcome at this juncture.