My dad thinks all Muslims look like one of those post-9/11 caricatures from the Bush-era newspapers and even he is like "yeah that's fucked."

We should arm the whales.

Deserves. What a funny word.

Shoot, I left my conversion calculator at home. How many 9/11s does this put us at?

I'm down to a single loving wife who's not very good at video games.

It's not our fault you married a casual.

Hi dad, I'm the simplest joke how can no one understand me.

The only thing that can stop the UK from doing racism is when it gets in the way of their other attempts to do racism.

Asking the real questions.

It's the weirdest mix of escort service and eugenics software.

When I was a kid we used to play in the storm drains with our skateboards and Jesus Christ I cannot imagine what my reaction would be if all of a sudden I saw a motorcycle come roaring through.

Trust me, you'd know.

No, we are all just slightly older than you - the age where you actually do figure everything out for real this time. Big old people just doesn't want you to know.