Your Independent Grocer

Bullshit branding on point.

Sounds like he's a poser. A real True Fan (TM) would have accepted your offer and watched the theatrical release with you. Then, when the third movie ends, bust out his own copy of the extended version and insist on watching them immediately in one long marathon to teach you the error of your ways.

Sometimes there are very good reasons for a family member being "long lost."

That's probably for the best.

I spent 4 years in the USMC and have a very complicated relationship with my time enlisted. There is a lot I'm proud of, but there's also a lot that would be nice to forget.

Depending on the beam's weight, where it impacts, and what kind of tank it is, here are some possible effects:

1. Absolutely nothing
2. Cause the crew to button up, reducing their visibility
3. Draw the crew out to assess or repair damage, expsoing them to small arms fire
4. Remind the crew that their enemy is active in the area and slow the advance
5. Distract the crew long enough for infantry to employ a more effective weapon, possibly including approach the tank on foot without being seen
6. Main gun barrel impact - deform the barrel enough to disable it
7. Turret impact - disable turret rotation, reducing aiming capability
8. Track impact - mobility kill by damaging roadwheels and/or track, or just getting stuck there
9. Direct side impact - probably nothing
10. Random gear impact - even old tanks have external mounted machine guns, optics, radio antennae, and shit that could be disabled
11. Exposed crew impact - squishy squishy

Of all these possibilities, I think just trying to get the damn thing stuck in the wheels/tracks is the most likely to actually work, even on relatively modern tanks.

If you read the fine print, many "lifetime" warranties are like this too. They mean the "lifetime of the product" which is usually defined in the same fine print as like, 5 years or some other bullshit timespan.

I don't think "con job" is the whole story here. There's always money to be made when morons gather together and soulless hedge fund managers don't care about the side effects. What better place could there be to sell advertising space for testosterone supplements and nuclear fallout shelters?

Not to mention all the free advertising for it from both social and mainstream media.

Quick hypothetical for you:

John shoots and kills Frank. They had never met each other and John did not know that Frank has a history of abusing children. John claims it was self-defense.

Was the shooting justified?

This is far too reasonable of a comment for shitposting. I'm going to need someone to shit this up a bit, please.

hit back

Complaining on twitter isn't hitting anyone. A financial impact is the only thing that will drive change.

Alternate ending:

A small, innocuous looking bat takes the form of DRACULA behind CHARACTER 1 and CHARACTER 2

DRACULA: Why the fuck would I need a jetpack? How did you morons forget about the bat thing? It's been part of my image for like, a hundred years.

"Chilrdren don't already know the things they're in school to learn about? Their brains must be rotting."