I am sorry to hear that. I think your mother ignoring autism can be as harmful as her telling you have it while you don't. In both cases, you are not seen and accepted for who you are.

I have an official document stating that if I am incapable of making decisions, my parents are not allowed to make decisions for me and they cannot be with me in the room by themselves or touch me. I feel quite guilty about that, but I just cannot deal with what will happen otherwise.

Yes, I can completely respect that people do not want to have an abortion themselves or maybe even have difficulty with it. But I think it is not right to impose this believe on others. It is very good to meet people like that sometimes and see the other side. My christian friend is the same.

I agree with that. Part of the point that I was trying to make is that when you only consider IQ, you have a very narrow view of intelligence.

When you consider intellectual giftedness, there are some definitions that just say you should have an IQ of above 130. However, there are also psychologists who consider it more like a complex syndrome with many attributes of which IQ is just one. The psychologist who worked with me had the latter view.

The 'diagnosis' of intellectual giftedness helped me to understand myself better and to understand some of the issues I have. It explains how and why my brain works differently from most other people and why I run into problems sometimes because of that. That helps me to deal with it better. So, it can be important for people to know about their intellectual giftedness in the broad sense and it should not just be ignored in all cases.

I do not think I view myself as belonging to an IQ caste or something like that. The word 'caste' suggests a hierarchy between people based on IQ. I disagree with that and I think people should not be considered worth more because of their IQ. However, at the same time, I tend to feel very bad about myself when I feel I am dumb. So, there is a bit of a discrepancy there between thinking and feeling that I need to work on. I should apply the idea of equal worth not only to others, but also myself, which I am working on. Apparently, I cannot just reason that feeling away.

I am intellectually gifted (officially diagnosed by a psychologist and psychiatrist) and 90% of the time I feel like I am very dumb. The other 10% of the time I feel like other people are very dumb. That is why I did not believe I was actually gifted for a long time. Apparently, smart people are sometimes more aware of mistakes they make and things they do not know, which can result in them feeling dumb.

Additionally, I am actually a quite dumb with practical stuff. It is boring, so I cannot concentrate on it and then I mess it up. I think that is also quite common.

I do not think it is that black and white. IQ is just one way of looking at intelligence. If people are walking around feeling like everyone is dumber than they are all the time, they either have a very narrow view of intelligence, or they might lack self-awareness considering their own weaknesses.

Yes, little brother vibes are good vibes. 👍

Oh, I did not know that. I have been doing it wrong all these years then. Could have been drinking cocktails on the beach instead of reading all these papers.

I think the person who thought I was an AI explained it quite well. Thet said they just got jaded. However, they believed me when I told who I was and apologised. I appreciate it when people are able to revise their idea and it shows they did not have bad intentions.

I would not say people are crazy, there is a lot of manipulation going on on the internet by businesses and some governments. I think a lot of people fall for bots all the time. For example, Twitter and Reddit is full of them. So, I do not think it is that weird that people sometimes are not sure whether they are talking to AI.

What happened to you when you even showed pictures of yourself and they still were convinced you were AI is quite extreme. I hope that that does not happen too often, because that seems like the other person is either a troll or paranoid.

We already have it in the Netherlands and I think it is a good thing. I know several people who chose for assisted dying when they were terminal and I think it protected them from a lot of unnecessary suffering.

There are some laws in place to prevent abuse. For example, there is a second, independent doctor assessing the situation to make sure conditions are really met and that someone is really terminal and deciding this from their own free will. The patient should be able to reconfirm that they really want to get euthanised before it happens. I think this is a good thing, but sometimes it is difficult when people with dementia clearly have stated and written down officially that they want assisted dying in certain circumstances, but they are not able to reconfirm because they lost their ability to understand.

In some cases you can have assisted dying when you suffer psychologically without any outlook of improvement (i.e. you have tried all treatments etc). However, there are waiting lists for those, which are quite long. My sister was on such a waiting list because she had anorexia. However, she died from starvation before she could be assessed. I am still a bit in doubt whether it would have been a good idea for her to get assisted dying. I still was hoping and thinking that there could be ways for her to get better.

Maybe the doctor assessing whether she would be approved for this would have thought the same, maybe not. She died anyway, so maybe I was wrong. In any case, I am not completely against euthanasia in case of psychological illness, as people can suffer from that equally as from physical ailments. However, you should be extremely careful and it should be extremely clear that there is no other solution at all anymore.

That is okay, I can be quite long-winded as well! Thank you also for saying that I was helpful to talk to. I like talking to you too.

Understanding each others trauma is not enough for a friendship, I agree with that. You need more than that. Personalities that fit well together, same level of intelligence, same sense of humour.

I am not that sarcastic myself, but my sense of humour can be a little bit dark sometimes. Especially me and my sister could make some dark jokes together. I miss that. Some people might be offended a little bit by some jokes, but if they are not really hurt by it, just slightly offended, that is even funnier sometimes to be honest. I think humour is a very healthy way to cope, including sarcasm. It can be a way to still find joy or to reduce tension or put things in perspective. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe you need to have experienced dark stuff to get the sarcasm and dark humour?

I think accusing people of trauma dumping is a very unempathic way for people to create a distance between them and the things you are telling them. They are scared by it and this is their way to cope. My boyfriend had a fairly normal childhood and life. I used to be quite open with him about what happened to me and he would just almost shut down and not respond (some of the time, other times he was supportive). We had some issues with that, because I was really hurt by that. He used to say that it was just too much for him to deal with. And I actually would get a little bit angry about that. I had to deal with these things that happened to me. I had to and and I could, while at the same time even only hearing about it was too much for him. I just could not understand. However, after a lot of discussion, I now think that what you can cope with depends very much on what you have had to cope with. I can deal with the things that happened to me, because not dealing with them was not an option. They were happening and I had no control. My boyfriend, however, does not strictly need to hear about my trauma, so he has the room to be unable to deal with it. He also had not something worse than that happening to him, teaching him how to deal with this stuff. So, he just did not respond and tries to ignore it.

In short, your seamstress probably cannot or does not want to deal with it probably for similar reasons and is mean to create a distance. It could also be that it is a trigger for her and that is why she creates a distance. Traumatised people can also just be assholes.

I addition, I told you you were strong as well. It is very obvious from your story. However, I am not a therapist and a therapist should dig deeper than that. Things are not magically solved because you tell people something positive. You actually really need to get to know them and know what they need and try to provide that. These therapists seem to lack that basic skill. I am sorry to hear that the therapists are so bad where you live. A good one can really help a lot, but bad once only cost money or even do damage.

If your ex still could be a threat to you, then it is quite functional to be scared. It might help with protecting yourself. A restraining order might help with being and feeling more safe again.

I have not heard about thought tracking (but maybe that is because English is not my native language). What do you do exactly?

I also like to talk to you! Definitely let me know when you want to talk. :-)

I believe you. And that you have been able to process this already, shows again that you are strong.

I am familiar with the feeling of being disconnected. My trauma is different from yours, but also difficult to understand or imagine for a lot of people. However, I found that other traumatised people are sometimes at least a lot easier to talk to, even if they do not understand completely. They are just not that scared by it, without minimizing what happened. I do have a couple of good friends now, who are very kind and very willing to talk with me about these things. Even if they might not completely understand, they do accept me. That helps a lot. I hope you will find people in your life like that as well.

I agree that it is very alarming that the therapist was uncomfy with what you were telling them. That should not happen. They should have been trained to be able to deal with difficult stuff. That is very unprofessional of them. The same is the case of the therapist that told you to just be more assertive and even more so for the scam artist. It is incredibly mean to try and scam people who are traumatized. You need to be a deeply pathetic person to do that.

I am in the very fortunate situation that I live in a country that pays for the costs of any EMDR and therapy that I need and we have well educated therapists here. So, fortunately, for me it is very easy to get that treatment. I can understand that for you it might be much more difficult to arrange this. However, if you ever get the chance to do real EMDR, it might be good to try. I am not sure whether you have these intrusive images, or sounds or feelings etc from your trauma, but for me it worked especially well for that. Of course it does not work for everyone, but it might be worth the try.

I am no therapist, but if you need a listening ear sometimes, just send me a message. I have had different life from you, so I might not immediately understand or I might not always say the right thing. However, I am not easily shocked or uncomfortable.

That is some very good advice to yourself!

There are a lot of people with eating disorders that result in them being overweight. Some people who have been neglected and abused as children can turn to food as their only source of comfort. If you have not been safe as a child, you will likely not have a basic sense of safety as an adult. If no-one has been kind to you and took care of you, you will likely not know how to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

So, you use food to feel safe and to get a sense of comfort. You use it to numb the feelings, to feel something nice. Because you do not have the resources to cope with the world that others that were loved as children do have, you do not know how to deal with it another way. And you survive and fight to make something of your life after all that has happened to you.

And then you get overweight. And society will tell you that it is your own fault. That you should show more restraint. That you just should eat less. That you lack willpower. That you are repulsive. That you are inferior to people who are not overweight. That you are unlovable. Basically, that you are everything that they used to tell you that you were when you were a child.

And you try to lose the weight, but you feel awful. You feel unsafe. You have nothing else that gives you a nice feeling. People will compliment you and be nicer to you and say that you look better. But you are constantly stressed. You think about food day and night, constantly, until you break. And you eat and you gain the weight back, and more. And you will feel like a failure, and you will feel unlovable and repulsive. And you do not know how to deal with these feelings in any other way than by eating.

And so, the stigma around being overweight actually makes it more difficult to love yourself and to be kind to yourself. The focus on food and the idea that everything will be okay if you just lose the weight will make you put all your effort into weight loss, instead of solving the real problem. Namely, that you need to process trauma and find other ways of coping with feelings and the world.

I think this is what is happening to a lot of people who are overweight. And they might not even be aware of it. They might think it is just about food, because that is what everyone is telling them. That they should just work harder at losing weight. That they just should have more willpower.

But I think that many people who are overweight do not lack willpower at all. They have survived horrible things. They did not get basic life skill lessons that others did. They did not grow up with a sense of safety and feeling good about themselves. But they survived. And they try to make something of their lifes. And that takes a lot of willpower. And for them to get better and to lead a more happy life, they need help with learning new ways to cope, they need their strength to be acknowledged, they need to be accepted, and, above all, they need to be loved.