I'm still referring to my need to steal everything that is not both nailed down and on fire.

...nailed down or on fire is fine.

I'm allergic to corn, so I don't know if this is true, but if I pooped a food that was still whole I'd consider not eating it again.

I really want to do the Mediterranean diet but my foot is currently in a cast and I get my groceries done once a week and veggies around here straight up do not last.... so I'm struggling.

I would unironically enjoy reading this. And satirical buying merchandise and putting a Je-Who fish on my car.

I've only played a few minutes of Witcher 3 so far and even I know Ciri is an apprentice to Geralt! I said to myself, "I don't know who these people are yet but I guess she'll be the main character in a sequel."

My brain provided, unbidden, "What's in your pants?"

"A library card!"

This just solved it for me. That is exactly it. I've been angry at stairs my whole life and now I realize it's because I go up them as fast as I walk- which is considerably faster than most people I know.

Having two people's heads that close while trying to lick the same thing is entirely about fantasy and not at all about comfort.

I bet you're right. If you leave a plastic bottle in the sun, the water tastes god-awful.

I just saw an article the other day that black plastic utensils are toxic. I'm right there with you.

A couple places near me still use styrofoam. I can't get past it.

We know that depending on your use it can ruin your attention span. But I agree, it's probably worse than we know.

This is a clever answer and now I completely agree with you.