Presumably he didn’t contest the allegation that he was a cunt.

My ex stabbed herself through the palm of her hand separating frozen burgers. Severed the tendon to her middle finger. She was a chef by profession 🙄

"Can't park there mate."

I guess this isn't the same duck: A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck!" "Your eyes work", replies the duck, wryly. "And you talk!" exclaims the landlord. "And your ears", says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that... it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?". "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. The landlord watches, astounded, as the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. The duck visits regularly for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus - he talks, drinks beer and everything!". "Sounds marvelous", says the owner, "get him to give me a call". So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!". "Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?". "At the circus", says the landlord. "The circus?", the duck inquires, a bit bemused. "That's right", replies the landlord. "What, the place with the big tent?. Big canvas roof, hole in the middle, canvas walls, animals in cages?", asks the duck. "That's right!", says the landlord. The duck looks confused. "What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?"

Where's Susan Sto Helit when you need her?

About a supermarket carrier bag full every 3rd week. Not that you can get one any more, fortunately “charities” keep shoving suitable alternatives through my letterbox 🙂 Everything else goes in the other six recycling bins.

Laptop? No way. Desktop for big spends, with a minimum of two monitors 🙂

I’m betting you don’t live in Turnham Green, or anywhere close 🙂

Many people in that part of the world retain the ability, largely lost in the “west”, to squat with their feet flat on the floor. That reduces the strain on the knees/leg muscles while “straining “ 🙂

Thereby tieing you to your ISP forever unless you were willing and able to keep changing your email address.

Never. Use. Your. ISP's Included. Email. Service.

Do NOT open the "is this a sandwich" argument! 😱 😀

It's fine, Xmas is still over a month away. Better get the sprouts on now though.