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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HuckleberryGlum1163 on 2023-09-25 12:56:17.

10 years ago, my mother bought our house. She was recently divorced, so she said she would prefer not to have the masters bedroom, and said it was between me and my sister on who gets the biggest room. I told my younger sister that she could have it, I wouldn’t mind getting a smaller room.

Jump to 2022 my younger sister said she wanted to move out, I had told her multiple times that she should just stay with us and keep her money (2200 for a room). She went on and got an apartment with 3 of her sorority sisters back from college (6000 total).

When she left, I naturally moved into the big room. I told her, and she seemed “okay” with it. But she gave me a “stipulation” that I was not allowed to touch her stuff, and for the most part she still has many clothes and items here, it is more or less a storage unit.

She had been living with them for about 3 months when she decided to visit us, when she saw me sleeping in the bed, she told me to get out of “her” room. She told me she wants to stay in the room for the rest of the day, as she feels exhausted being in her new apartment and that she doesn’t get privacy (she does have her own room in the apartment, but she tells me she feels like she needs to keep her room open, as it is rude to not make conversations and greet the other girls, so she feels like she is always conversing and it makes her tired)

I remember rolling over and telling her she can sleep beside me, but that I didn’t want to move.

This led to a huge argument. She said she feels that she has no place to call home now, and all she was asking was for me to get out of “ her room “ for a couple of hours where she can “de stress” alone. I told her she can stay in the room with me, but that it is now “my room.” She insisted I still leave. And that she would do this a couple times a month, and that I could have the room back when she is finished. She insisted I was being unreasonable as I could have the room all the other times she is not here and she is at her apartment.

Usually I’m very kind to my younger sister but this type of “argument” really annoyed me. I explained that she willingly left this house, that I explained to her multiple times to stay to save money, that she had a “home” but that she decided to leave. When she left she left ownership of this room, and that if I wanted to stay in my room, she would be allowed to come and stay as much as she wants. But her telling me to leave and wait, and decide for me on a dime when I can and cannot go in the room, was a big hell no for me.

We haven’t talked much since, it’s been a year and other then small talk, we haven’t really spoken.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ConsciousPush6185 on 2023-09-25 12:41:16.

Throwaway and fake names

My (28m) friend Josh (28m) got married to his partner of 7 years Emily (27f) this past weekend. On the invitation it was stated that a +1 was allowed. I've been single for most of the time but one month ago I got with a girl, Chrissy (28f) who I've known for years. Chrissy used to date Josh on and off in high school and early college until josh broke off things with her and got with Emily. Due to different circumstances, josh doesn't even want to hear about chrissy. I thought that after so many years have passed and we've all matured and grown there would be no issues. He hasn't talked to her in 7 years but I've kept in minimal contact to the point we reconnected as friends few months ago and then we started dating.

Assuming there was no issue since chrissy seemed chill with being invited as my plus one, I brought her. I didn't think I'd have to notify anyone for this.

Emily and josh didn't see her at first but Emily spotted chrissy once the ceremony was over and she froze. I could tell she was mad but was trying to play it cool because of the wedding. I knew there it would be an issue. Before I even arrived at the reception venue josh called me while I was parking and told me what the hell was I thinking and that chrissy needs to go home now. I tried to reason with him saying I can't just send chrissy home because her house is more than an hour drive from the venue. I tried to reason with him explaining how it's been 7 years, if he's mature and really over her he'll be okay with me bringing her. After all he just got married, he can't be mad I brought his ex from over 7 years ago. He started screaming at me about how "IT'S THE PRINCIPLE YOU AH, THE PRINCIPLE. I'M OVER HER OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN JUST BRING HER AROUND. IT'S THE PRINCIPLE. EMILY IS UPSET BECAUSE OF YOU AND HER.. SEND HER HOME NOW".

I ended up calling chrissy an uber I which I paid for. Chrissy was mad at me for giving up so easily and also thinks I'm a weak ah.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Full_Money_5819 on 2023-09-25 05:56:50.

No I really don't. However I could not afford a house as great as mine if I got divorced. If you are willing to pay for the divorce and the house please let me know.

I have been happily married for five years. Twenty two years total. I work out of town for two weeks at a time and then home for one. Because of this I ask my wife who works part time as a substitute teacher to take care of running errands for me that I am unable to complete due to not being in the city.

In the past I have tried on multiple occasions just to take care of everything myself and it had lead to fights. She gets upset that I spend my entire week home doing all the things she said she could do for me. So I try it. I ask her to take care of certain errands for me. And then they do not get done. Then I am scrambling to fit them into my schedule. And then the cycle starts again.

We own a very nice house that neither of us could afford to replace. Housing in our city has gone nuts.

If we do the right thing I will spend my week off on vacation and she will be homeless. So recently I have come up with a solution. I hired a personal assistant sort of. I pay a girl to do all my errands. She doesn't ever complain and everything is done on schedule.

My wife is bitching about the expense, which I cover completely out of my budget. I literally gave up a hobby to pay for this girl. I have all the free time for rest on my week off and my wife doesn't have to get up off her ass to do anything.

She says she's m the asshole for not trusting her for the nth time. I think that I am happy having all of my week off to actually rest and relax before I go back to work.

To be clear I work roughly 189 hours in my two weeks of work. So almost 90 hours a week when I'm working. If you split it up for to the three weeks it is 63 hours weekly. I think I have earned my days off. My wife works 20 hours a week on a busy week.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GirlMomOnly on 2023-09-25 14:32:59.

Am I the asshole. My husband is about to have his 39th birthday and as his gift this year I decided to ask if he would like me to pay to get our daughters name tattooed on him. Here’s why. He currently has 2 kids(boys) from his previous marriage. Ages 13 and 10. We just had our daughter who is now 8 months old. He already has a tattoo on his chest for his first born and nothing for his second son. I offered to pay to have our daughters name added to his body, which he agreed to as he liked the idea. But his sister made a comment that if I’m paying for my daughter’s, then I should pay for his son’s too. I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to pay for him to add his child from a previous marriage/relationship. If he wants to add it, he can. I have nothing against that. But I do not wish to pay for a separate tattoo for a child that I did not birth. It should be my right to pay for what I want and I do not want to be made out to be the bad guy because I’m only paying for my own flesh and blood daughter.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dramatic_Decision420 on 2023-09-25 12:20:00.

So I am 21F, my aunt in this story is married to my mums brother so aunt is ‘Jazz’ 35F and Uncle is ‘Will’ 37M.

Jazz and Will have 5 children together (14M, 12M, 9F, 7M, and 2M). Will works doing tarmac and Jazz doesn’t work.

Since 14M was born almost every other conversation with Jazz and Will is about one of three thing: 1) they have no money to do anything, 2) they can’t do anything together because a child always needs something, 3) they can’t do anything they want because one of the kids always wants to do something different. That sounds miserable to me so I decided I don’t want children or young children anyway, I’ve thought about adopting older children/teens in the future but that wouldn’t be for several years.

Anyway it’s not a secret I don’t want children but I’m apparently at an age where relatives think I should be having them. Jazz is one of these relatives, recently she was over and kept asking when I was going to have a child of my own since she knew I’d make an excellent mother given a chance and I told her I didn’t want to have young children/babies, she asked why, I said because I don’t, she asked why again, this cycle continued for a couple minutes before I just had enough.

I asked if she was really that desperate to know and she said yes so I told her “I want money and some level of freedom when I’m older not debt and obligations”.

She went to the toilet almost immediately after I finished talking and I didn’t see her the rest of the day. I got a text later from Jazz telling me I didn’t have to attack her and her lifestyle like that, that I could have just said I didn’t want children and leave it at that but that she now didn’t want me around my cousins until I apologise to her.

I’ve left her on read, I don’t want to apologise but I didn’t mean to hurt her with what I said so I’m kinda conflicted.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Responsible-Word-230 on 2023-09-25 14:49:59.

My wedding is coming up and my mom has been campaigning hard for her husband, my stepdad, to be the person to walk me down the aisle. I already asked my paternal grandparents. My mom knew I was going to ask them and knew when I had. But she has not given up on the desire for me to ask her husband. The other day she told me that it would make the most sense and she feels like he is the correct and most worthy person to walk me down the aisle. I called her out on that and said she should be more honest about why she wants him. The reason, I know, is because she knows her husband and my dad hated each other and she believes I should have been loyal to her husband over my dad. She especially believes I should have given all the loyalty I had to my dad to her husband after I lost my dad at the age of 7.

BG: My parents broke up (never married) and my mom got married to her husband when I was 2. My dad and her husband hated each other. I was always aware of the fact. But it became especially bitter for me when I was 6 and my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I don't remember a lot from that time. But I do remember my mom's husband showing up to see my dad when he was in the hospital and I remember him yelling at my dad. I know prior to that the two were as bad as each other and the animosity was mutual. When my dad died I didn't automatically start to care more or feel closer to her husband. He did try and I think part of his hatred for my dad was I was such a daddy's girl and never looked at him being in my life as having two. I spent equal time with both my parents when dad was alive.

I never got closer to my mom's husband. He was my mom's husband and my half siblings dad but even though I don't remember a time where I didn't know him, I never saw him as my dad. He always hated my dad too. I heard him grumble about him over the years. Even saw him spit near a photo of my dad once. Eventually he gave up trying and decided I wasn't worth his time, which I felt was better for everyone.

But my mom hates it. She hates that he's just her husband and I haven't embraced him as my dad. One time she said it can be so hurtful to lose to a dead man and be rejected in favor of a dead man. I asked what she meant by that and she told me I never picked her husband over my dad and I never let him feel like he won against him in one thing. I told her he had; he was still alive while my dad was gone.

I think my mom still wants that win for her husband, especially when his hatred for my dad still burns strong. I believe my paternal grandparents are the right people to walk me. I have been close to them my entire life.

My mom is mad that I called her out and tried to make her be honest. She said she was not lying and I was being rude.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Standard_Bit_2921 on 2023-09-25 14:05:26.

Make this clear, we didn’t think it would be in France since he changed wedding ideas so many times. Also we thought it would be 2024 fall, January came out of nowhere

This is about my oldest, he has always wanted to travel the world and he just told us that he will have his wedding in France. We thought he was joking when it first happened because he has said so any destinations at this point.

I also thought it will be in a year at least but the invites came today. It is in a four month in France. He is looking to do a mini trip and apparently was able to book a small church in France for the whole thing.

I told him it is absurd that he thinks we would be able to go. I don’t have the PTO ( already used most of it this year), our youngest are in school, we don’t have the money to have five (wife and three minor kids) people take plane trips to France and I don’t think my wife even has a passport.

We got in a huge argument about it so I want to know if we are being jerks on this

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Personal_Region_2508 on 2023-09-25 13:44:13.

On phone

My daughter got pregnant the second year into college, it was not a good time. My husband and I stepped up so she could finish college, which she did. She just graduated and just got a job. The problem is at the moment she can not afford childcare or rent since her job kinda sucks.

We were hoping she would be moving out by the end of the year. She told us today that she is pregnant again. When she told us I said not again. She asked if I was happy for her and I told her no. That we will not look after another kid and we already wanted her to find her own place by the end of the year or next summer at the latest.

She is pissed at us and we got into an argument. She thinks we are assholes.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BeeSlow6022 on 2023-09-25 12:53:42.

My grandfather had a bunch of rental residential and commercial properties and when he passed, he left each of his grandchildren a house. The one he left me is in another state from there where I live and my initial plan was to sell the house once the lease of the current renter expires. The lease is coming up so my wife recently went there to check out the house and to find and agent to handle the sale for us.

We visited the property to see what needed to be done and met the renters. They tried to talk us into not selling the house and extending their lease. They’re a family with kids and according to them, rent is going up in the city and they can’t afford another rental house. They’ll have to go to an apartment that will cost more, won’t have a yard, and their kids will have to change schools. I’m sympathetic but they didn’t change my mind. I’ve never been a landlord and have no interest in being one. However, their pleas worked on my wife and over the week she tried to change my mind.

She said we can keep the house and continue to rent it to them but I don’t want to because it’s in another state and I have zero experience with renting a house. The other problem is the property management company that’s currently taking care of the house informed me that the state and city recently passed a bunch of rental laws that will make it harder for them to do business so they’re only taking on clients with multiple properties. This made me want to be a landlord even less. If pros can’t make money on a single property, I will definitely lose money. I told her if they want it, we’ll sell them it to them at market price. They told her they can’t afford the $300,000 down payment. My wife floated the idea that we sell them the house on the cheap but I don’t really don’t feel like selling the house for less than market value. Her other solution is to finance the purchase ourselves instead of going through a bank. Neither of us know anything about financing a house sell so I definitely don’t want to do this.

Ultimately the decision is mine since it was left from my grandfather to me but my wife is really putting the guilt trip on me to go with one of her ideas.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway0011109 on 2023-09-25 12:26:16.

It’s no secret that I’m not very strict with my kids (2 boys, teenagers). They don’t have a curfew, I don’t get mad at them if they don’t get good grades, I don’t ground them, they have girlfriends that I allow them to see/have over, yes I know my older one has smoked weed, etc etc etc.

And guess what? The boys are typical teenage boys but they are kindhearted and sweet. We have a very good relationship and they’re actually home more often than not. While we aren’t strict parents, we also taught them to be kind, generous and respectful and it actually worked (though we do have some bad days but no one’s perfect).

I have a friend that’s a great mom but her and her daughter cannot stand each other right now. She complains about not being able to connect with her but I don’t say anything because every child is different and I also don’t have any daughters. My parenting style won’t work on every child either.

Anyways, this friend came over for lunch and both my boys were home. One of them had their girlfriend over and we were chatting for a bit before they both went upstairs to my son’s room. My friend looked shocked and was like “you’re seriously going to let them be alone in his room?” I just said yeah and she was like “I could never do that.” I just laughed along with her.

Then my eldest comes downstairs and is all like “hey mom I’m ordering food you want anything?” I said no thanks and turned back to my friend and she looked shocked again and was like “but you cooked food?” I told her he’s old enough to eat whatever he wants and he’s ordering food with his own money that he earned so why would I stop him. It’s not like it’s a special occasion or I specifically cooked food for him (besides what I cooked was literally just fancy looking grilled cheese sandwiches).

My friend made a face and kept telling me that what I’m doing isn’t right and that I’m acting like their friend, not their parent and even teenage boys need rules to become good people. I was trying to change the subject but she wouldn’t just let it go so I said “I’m sorry but I am NOT taking parenting advice from you.”

She went quiet before yelling at me and saying that I’m the weird one not her and that I can’t be serious. I told her that she should probably leave and she was like “I should, I didn’t know you were such a mean person. I pray your kids never talk to you again when they realize how much you’ve failed them.”

Now I’m not asking for judgement about my parenting, I know how many will react, but AITA for what I specifically said to my friend about her parenting? I feel a little bad because it is a sore spot and she’s not a bad parent at all.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/unusalfrog on 2023-09-25 13:14:31.

My husband and I don't always get to eat out but when we do we split the bills. However when we do eat out he can be controlling and often it's he's decision where we eat and most of the time I don't mind because in the actual moment I can eat what I want there.

However since being married and having kids I have put on weight (I'm still considered slightly underweight by my doc) but ita noticeable that I've put it on. To combat thismy husband has decided that we are gonna eat at a certain restaurant and he was going to decide what I wanted to eat. I told him I wasnt going to pay for my portion of the lunch if it wasn't what I wanted to eat and he shot back that I shouldn't have put on the eight then. 40 minuteslater and we are done and I said I'll meet you in the car and walked out as he started yelling at me about my portion of the lunch that he ordered that I didn't want. The server came over and he paid but came to the car furious that I embarrassed him. I said I said I wouldn't pay and he still ordered anyway. I'm sleeping at my sister's house tonight but was I the AITA?

(EDIT: this isn't just at the restaurant where he is controlling what I can eat, it's a home and shopping issue as well. He comes shopping and decides what I can and can't buy with my portion of the money but I can't decide for him)

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Realistic-Wing-7680 on 2023-09-25 12:18:51.

So, I (f20) live in a quiet suburban neighborhood, and my neighbor, let's call her Lisa (f57), has two llamas as pets, Bono and Bowie. They're adorable, and I always found them fascinating. Lisa's a bit eccentric, to say the least, and she lets them roam around her backyard freely.

Now, here's where things took a wild turn. One day, I woke up to find Bono and Bowie grazing in my VERY well-maintained backyard. It had been happening more and more frequently, and my once-pristine lawn was starting to resemble patchy pubes. I tried talking to Lisa about it, but she just shrugged it off, saying they needed the exercise and my “shrubbery” was more than what her own yard could supply.

I was at my wit's end, and my backyard was NOT getting any better. So, in a fit of frustration, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I built a makeshift fence around my backyard using old furniture and garden tools, essentially taking the two bandits hostage.

I left a note for Lisa explaining the situation and demanded that she pay for the damages to my lawn if she wanted her llamas back. I even included a photoshopped image of the llamas with little llama-sized handcuffs on their legs for dramatic effect (I thought it was funny but maybe it was a little much, considering that I know that she’s wildly unstable.)

Well, you can imagine the outrage that followed. Lisa stormed over, yelling at me for "kidnapping" her llamas. She threatened to call the police, but I stood my ground, insisting that I'd only release them when she agreed to pay for the lawn repairs.

Now she never called the police, but she sure as shit stood in my yard for HOURS after the incident, looking menacingly in my windows. I shut the blinds because I felt uncomfortable.

The next day everybody and their grandma knew about the heinous crime I had committed. The neighborhood was divided. Some thought I was a hero for standing up to her (this has happened before to her other neighbor), while others thought I'd gone completely insane. Eventually, after a tense standoff that lasted a day, Lisa begrudgingly agreed to pay for the damages, and I let Bono and Bowie go free.

Now, my lawn is back to its former glory, and Bono and Bowie stay firmly in Lisa’s yard. But the neighborhood won't forget the day I took llamas hostage in the name of my beloved yard. So, AITA for resorting to such extreme measures to protect my property from a llama invasion?

EDIT: If it helps at all, after all was said and done I did contact law enforcement to let them know what happened and not much came of it. They said that if we came to a settlement that there was no intervention needed, but to not engage with her anymore besides that. I agreed and went on my way. Still feel bad though.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Beautiful-Routine309 on 2023-09-25 11:37:31.

My sister has called me an asshole for it so wanted to hear other people's opinions. This has happened last week.

I (32f) have an autistic child Alex (6). Due to family emergency we had to fly to a different country and the flight is quite long (6+ hours). Due to Alex's condition I usually try to pack some food for them to eat as Alex is a very picky eater and has a full on meltdown if hungry. Unfortunately one of the foods Alex likes are peanuts, the other is a very rare flavour of crisps and chocolate of a specific brand. On top I usually have other foods like puree for Alex in my bag.

As I have mentioned we only had to fly due to family emergency and nobody in my family agreed to watch Alex in my absence so I had to take them with me. On our way back the airline has lost our luggage so I couldn't get more proper food for Alex between the flights and ended up buying a large bag of peanuts so they have something to eat on the flight. We had a special meal ordered for Alex too, but for some reason the crew gave it to someone else on the plane, so there was nothing for Alex to eat except peanuts (they had nothing to replace it with)

At the start of the flight an announcement was made for nobody to eat peanuts due to someone with allergy present. After the take off I have asked a flight attendant where the person with allergies is located so maybe we can seat in the different ends of the plane. The flight attendant refused to answer and after Alex's food hasn't arrived, I had no choice but to let Alex to have the peanuts in order to prevent a meltdown for the next few hours. The flight attendant wasn't happy and tried to stop me, but I have reminded her that they left my child without her meal and gave it to someone else.

After the landing a couple seating a few rows behind me called me an asshole for putting their lives in danger, even when I have tried to explain what has happened. When I was venting to my sister later she has agreed with them.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ashamed_Degree_741 on 2023-09-25 12:11:03.

My wife's sister and her husband have been discussing the possibility of becoming foster parents. They have three of their own kids already and SILs husband is far more eager than my SIL is. SIL is perfectly aware of the fact my parents fostered when my sister and I were young, that our relationship with our parents is incredibly bad today and she wanted her and her husband to sit with me and discuss things from the POV of the kid who was already there. She has some worries about her own kids and how they could still give them a good life while helping other kids.

SILs husband told me before the talk that I could sugar coat some stuff and not go into too many details. Most of my SILs questions were around how our parents juggled two kids of their own with any number of foster kids present. She wanted to know about the emotional impact. Everything.

BG: I was 7 and my sister was 5 when our parents sat us down and said they were going to be helping other kids and giving them a home. They said some would be temporary but some might be permanent. It took 18 months for them to get their first foster child. We had to be interviewed and a bunch of stuff happened before. Quickly my parents went from the two of us and adding another child to having 6 kids in the home. My parents struggled to juggle everything and the ball was dropped on us.

My sister suffered a lot more than me for it. At 19 she was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalculia and that was after years of the school noticing but our parents not doing anything. She got caught in the middle of the teachers giving her notes to give our parents and growing frustrated when our parents wouldn't respond or agree to meetings. While our parents would say they would go, would forget, mom would ask to be reminded but then become annoyed at being "pestered" about it. My sister gave up after more than a year of feeling like she was in trouble everywhere. She also never finished high school because her grades were so bad.

I have asthma and sometimes my needs with that weren't met the best. My sister tried to help by taking care of some of the dust for me. But it was hard sometimes when some of the foster kids had a lot of dust on their things they would bring to our house and I was exposed to them. Our parents would always say the house was clean or would say a little dust wouldn't be too bad. But my asthma is more dust sensitive.

The relationship with my parents was almost entirely broken down by the time we hit our teens. It never recovered.

My SIL and her husband heard a lot of those details and more in some of my answers. I explained some can make it work. But if you can't and your bio kids are the ones the ball is dropped on, the damage can't always be reversed. My SILs husband accused me of trying to turn them off fostering and said I was preying on SILs fears. He said I had no reason to give out so much information.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Additional-Leek-9744 on 2023-09-25 08:02:15.

It was my wife’s birthday recently and she asked me to buy her a counterfeit designer bag. I asked her why because I really didn’t get it. We conversed a little and though she showed signs that she was feeling a little uncomfortable that I was asking her this, I kept the conversation going because I wanted to explain why I was asking her this question instead of saying, sure! I’m not super well off but I make good money and am financially stable.. so spending a few hundred or even a few grand for a designer handbag or a counterfeit for much less was nbd. But I really wanted to rather get her something that has much more intrinsic value, so I wanted to explain my rationale. She ended up getting quite offended that I asked her that question and kept the conversation going. She then told me that this was the worst birthday of her life.

She’s usually not the type to care that much about showing status (she hasn’t even bought new clothing aside from a few tshirts since maybe a year or two ago). She’s also usually the very meticulous type to always evaluate what she wants to spend her money on. She does her research thoroughly and decides if she wants something or not and buys a cheaper alternative if she thinks there is a lot of overhead on certain popular consumer goods. I just wanted to understand why she suddenly felt the need to show status (but not spend the 2k or however much it is for a gucci or dior bag - and hence the ask for a counterfeit) but we now both feel super hurt on her birthday.. AITA?

EDIT: A lot of thoughts usually race in my head. I think the whole counterfeit part triggered most of it, and led to just a lot of questions in my head. But in retrospect I’ve totally fucked up as a partner to just get her what she wants for her birthday. After-all, I did truly want to get something she wanted and she finally answered. The numerous questions that came up in my head dont really matter for shit. Having questions are fine… but I need to frame them better casually maybe at a later time. (I should probably tame my adhd better as well.) I need to find out a way to apologize and make it up to her!

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MidwifeMayhem on 2023-09-25 07:34:47.

I (F32) am currently 37 weeks pregnant, and was at my obstetrics appointment yesterday with my husband (M33). This is our first child, and I have been quite lucky so far with the pregnancy but I have been having some unaccounted for pain which is making me quite concerned.

I went to the ER four days ago, and the doctor on call checked me out and told me it was safe to go home but that I should bring it up at my routine appointment seeing as it was so soon (yesterday). Obviously this has my husband and I quite nervous, so I was hoping for some answers when we saw the obstetrician. When I walked into my appointment with my husband, it was the usual doctor (F40s?) as well as a younger girl (F20s) who I had not met before. The younger girl was introduced as a trainee midwife who would be listening in on the appointment.

I didn't have an issue with this, although it would have been nice to have been asked rather than having this sprung on us. Nevermind, the appointment carried on the student midwife was not at all confident in what she was doing. It was clear that I was one of the first patients she had seen and she was very shaky and shy. Again, no issues, we all need to learn somehow.

My actual issue arose when I was describing the pain to the doctor and the fact it feels like I can't breathe when it hits. The student midwife started laughing when I said that, but the doctor gave her a stern look and she stopped. Then as I carried on with my description and an overview of what happened in the ER, the student midwife said (almost to herself), "I have never seen a stillbirth before." I say almost to herself because it seemed to come out of her mouth unconsciously and almost as if she was thinking it and didn't realise she had said it, but I got very upset.

I looked the student midwife right in the eyes and told her to get out. She looked like a deer in headlights, but I stood up and told the doctor that one of us was leaving and if it wasn't going to be the midwife, then it would be me. My doctor asked the midwife if she could please leave the room, and she was quite apologetic with me but told me to be understanding because the student midwife was still young and learning. My husband supported me and told the doctor that we do not want to see the student midwife again.

The rest of the appointment carried on like normal, but I called my mom (F67) in tears when we were in the car. I felt like I had held it together in the hospital, but I just wanted to vent to my mom. She shocked me, though, by saying that I had been unfair to the student midwife and that she needed these learning opportunities so that she could develop a bedside manner. Now I feel a little bad about my reaction, and am wondering if I was the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Designer_Oil863 on 2023-09-24 21:09:47.

My brother asked me and our other siblings for our honesty last week. This was not out of the blue entirely but none of us were sure if he would actually ask or if he would just vent about his circumstances. We had already discussed things in depth with each other before and knew we were on the same page. But our brother was never around for this. When the question came to us I was the only one who was willing to answer.

Background: My brother was married and had three children with his wife. Sadly she died when their youngest was only 4 months old. The older two kids were toddlers. He was single for a good decade and focused on his kids and then he met his current wife Kat. Kat was a widow, though a more recent widow, and she had two kids with her late husband. All the kids were 11 or older when they met and my brother and Kat became a more serious couple. The kids were fine with the adults dating but expressed they did not want to be a blended family. So my brother and Kat made the decision to marry, live together, but they would not be a family. My brother would take care of his kids, Kat would take care of hers, and they could interact or not. No pressure.

It was an unusual dynamic and they never did mix or integrate more. The kids stuck to their bio siblings and parent and did not build relationship with their stepparent or stepsiblings. But it worked in a way most would find crazy. The kids were happy. My brother and Kat were happy.

When the kids got married, their bio parent had their spouse as a plus one and they were treated as a plus one and not family. None of the stepsiblings were invited and spouses were not in the family photos.

Sadly Kat lost both her kids in early 2020. I believe this has led to where we're at now.

My nephew and his wife are expecting their first child together and my brother and Kat wanted her to be grandma to the child because Kat's kids will never be able to give her grandchildren. My nephew said he didn't want that and he didn't want the dynamic to change.

My brother vented to my siblings and I about this a few times. Then he asked if we thought it would change and whether it was surprising that this happened. I told him I did not see it changing and the dynamic made it unsurprising. I said Kat is a casual acquaintance to the kids at best, just like he was to Kat's kids, and I never thought they would be grandma or grandpa to the other's grandkids. I said I did not feel like Kat's kids would have allowed him to be grandpa if the roles were reversed. I said that was the dynamic they set early on and it has been that way for almost 20 years and it's unlikely to ever change. I knew my brother might not like it and I was right. He told me nobody expects to lose all their kids and to have grandparenthood taken from you. He also said I made it sound like his and Kat's fault. Our other siblings defended me but my brother said I went too far and let me know that a couple of times during the week as well.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jealous_Lunch5538 on 2023-09-25 02:50:26.

Last year, my sister called me and told me that her two cats haven’t been eating for four days. I took them to the vet who after some tests said that the cats were refusing to eat because they were dehydrated. Fortunately he was able to save them by giving them some fluids. I paid the bills.

She didn’t ask for any further financial help until yesterday.

Yesterday my sister asked me if I can help her pay for a nose job. I asked her if she’s having difficulty breathing or anything but she told me she just feels self-conscious about her nose. She said that since I paid for the cats’ treatment she thought I would help her with this too. I told her no and when she asked why, I said “Your cats needed that treatment. You don’t need the nose job.”

My sister was really upset, telling me I have no right to say that when I don’t understand how much appearance means to her, and that a guy that she liked rejected her ‘probably because of the nose.’

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wrenatumn on 2023-09-25 02:22:06.

My husbands grandmother has been commenting on my FB posts saying she wants to come visit to see us and our baby. So I reached out to her, we set a date and everything was fine.

She shows up today at my home (not the date we had planned) and said she got the days mixed up. I told her I was busy and today didn’t work for me.

For the record, I have had a busy week and today was my only day off. I wanted to spend time with my baby, not share her. And just wanted to be alone. Which is why I planned a different day for her to come.

Husband was out running errands and his grandmother was waiting on our porch. He said I was rude and should’ve just let her in. He proceeds to let her in, she grabs my baby from me and I tell her to give her back. She ended up leaving after a few minutes.

I did not want visitors today! Husband is pretty annoyed with me bc it’s “not her fault she got the date mixed up”. AITA?

Edit: after reading some questions in the comments, I will add that this grandmother in the post, my FIL and his other grandmother regularly show up to my house unannounced even when I try to set boundaries of not liking unexpected visitors. That is the reason I snapped.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Waste-Gap4481 on 2023-09-25 02:16:57.

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. My wife of 7years has always had this odd quirk about her where she .. without sugar coating it , likes to copy others. I’ve attempted to softy talk to her about it but it’s been a trigger for her because her parents always got on her about being a “follower”.

This tendency of hers has blown up between her friends because of their patience with it running out. When I say copy others some examples off the top of my head are 1) she will completely switch up her lifestyle to match someone she just met or is becoming friends with. After going out only one time with her coworker she came home with this desire to get her nose pierced. I’ve known her for 9 years. Never in that span of time has she shown interest in that. This is common with her. 2) She tends to act like she originated ideas that others share with her and will “forget” it was mentioned. 3) She will buy exactly what her friends have. Same color, same model..exact product and say she liked it for a long time and never wanted to buy it till recently. When talking about this stuff she often replies with “ehh I don’t know, I don’t care”.

This leads to the issue that blew up. Her friend I’ll call her Anna decorated her porch for fall recently. My wife liked it and the next few days basically replicated our porch into Anna’s porch. Apparently in their group chat things blew up and they accused her of constantly copying them. They share themes with each other through that Pinterest app so I guess it was long known what all of them were planning. Anna is annoyed that she put a lot of time into the decor only for it to be “stolen”. She presented me the argument and I was honest and agreed that our porch is in fact similar to Anna’s porch. The wreath is the same product. Pillows the same. Pumpkins. All it. I can’t deny it , however I don’t think it’s worth all this fighting. I then suggested maybe switch it out with different colors than what Anna did and just say she admired her work and didn’t mean to offend her. I thought that would be a simple answer to this petty issue.

My wife blew up and asked why I didn’t just marry Anna since her work is so nice. Reddit , I wasn’t trying to make this damn thing worse. Maybe I f*cked up and if so I’ll own it. But I genuinely thought being honest would maybe give her a different perspective and end the issue . It gave her the wrong perspective. She still ain’t speaking to me.

Edit : Thank you all for the helpful insight Didn’t realize this is something to consider therapy about. Makes sense. A lot of sense. Will definitely be talking to her about it. She’s always been against it in the past but I will try to approach it differently.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok_Translator1301 on 2023-09-25 04:54:41.

My daughter is 23 and she requested dinner with us because she had some important to tell us--being my wife and I.

She introduced us and came out. My wife was emotional gave her a big hug, and told her how proud she was. I on the other hand did not react to her coming out. I honestly did not care about that part. I was honest her partner was cool, and she was very interesting.

My wife told me I was rude for ignoring our daughter's announcement. I told my wife, that I did not care who she was attracted to all I cared about was if she was happy. I tried to explain I did not care about that stuff, people like who they like I don't need labels for that. Love is love.

She said my view is slightly homophobic because it shows I am not acknowledging a different view. I do not see it that way, am I the asshole should I apologize to my daughter and her partner?

Edit: For added context, I did not treat her situation as any different from her brothers. I took the time to get to know the person they were with.

My wife feels I should have treated it differently because they are different situations, ignoring that fact does not help.

Update: Thanks for the input, everyone is right I should have just asked my daughter. I will see if she is free tomorrow for some coffee and have a chat with her. I am sure my wife's words just got to me, but only one way to find out right?

Thanks again.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Western_Tap_4240 on 2023-09-25 01:48:43.

Throwaway. 26 F am getting married in December. Some of you may read the title and think I’m horrible so I need to give a lot of backstory.

My parents are divorced. My dad (who is putting about 15,000 toward the wedding) has a second wife and lives in a different state. He has 2 kids with her. His daughter (7) was born sick and I wanna make this as anonymous as possible so that’s all I’ll say about the illness. My dad told us she was probably not going to live very long. She died last November (2022). My dad and his wife want a special memorial table dedicated only to her next to where we planned to set up other pictures. I politely said no and my bf agrees with me. Maybe I’d feel different if I was closer to her but I really only met her maybe a dozen times. I haven’t seen her since Christmas of 2021 which was the last time I visited my dads state. I feel like it will bum people out, and my bfs family doesn’t know she is and neither do alot of friends. I don’t have anything against her I just never really knew her. They’re pushing this because the wedding is near the one year anniversary of her death.

Second issue. My sister (24) has a long dating history and always insists on bringing the guy to every family thing almost immediately. There’s probably a run of 6 Christmas photos in a row where there’s a different guy there with her. She has been with this guy now since July. We had the seating set before she started dating him. I don’t even want to invite him but caved on that for my sister. She is at the head table and I don’t want to try to squeeze someone else in, or kick someone out so he is sitting at a table with a few of her friends. Sister is very upset because she wants him sitting next to her. But I barely know the guy I don’t want to change seating so he could be at the table. I also told her I would be offended if she wanted to sit with him over me. Also it’s not like people are going to be sitting besides dinner so she will have plenty of time with him.

So wondering if I’m an asshole bridezilla here.

Edit Yo obviously we are going to have a picture of my half sister on the table at the wedding but I just don’t want an entire table for her.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Caribbeanmamii on 2023-09-25 02:04:33.

So my brother(32) and his wife(25) are expecting they’re first baby after trying for a year. I(20F) was thrilled when I found out I was gonna be an aunt I am truly over the moon. So I was talking to my SIL about helping her reorganize her bedroom to utilize the space efficiently for the baby. She then tells me that my brother said he’ll pay rent for a studio for me so the baby can have my bedroom in the future. I don’t know how I feel about this I feel like I’m being kicked out and this 2bedroom spacious apartment is under my mother and I’s name. My parents retired and moved back to our home country and left this apartment for my brother and I. We get government help so we don’t pay much but I am a young college student I feel as if they should move out but if push comes to shove I’m most likely gonna end up taking the studio. I’m just unsure cause this an indefinite situation that’s raises a lot question of questions in the future, like we live in NYC rent here isn’t cheap.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Opposite-Driver-5873 on 2023-09-25 00:29:31.

I(m26) own my apartment. It was gifted to me by parents and grandparents. It's a 2bedroom apartment so i started renting the other bedroom to earn some more extra cash. Then my flatmate Sam(m28) moved in 8 months ago. He is good guy and we get along fine. Recently his gf Nina(f30) have started spending alot of time at our apartment. I don't have any problem with that because Nina is pretty chill women and she always brings food/drinks for us.

The only problem is she is very free spirited like she wears really less clothes. Like she will walk around the living room or sits on our couch with nothing but robe/tshirt and underwear and I work from home so stay home majority of the time so I see her in underwear watching tv or playing games on tv in our living room. I am not attracted to her on anything but the thought of her half naked ass on our shared furniture is just doesn't sit right with me. So I told Sam about this and he said he'll have chat with Nina.

This morning Nina was at our apartment and she said I was out of the line with my comments on her body. First I was confused because I didn't make any comments on her body and then she said 'if I had any problem with her i should have said something to her face to face instead of going behind her back'. I said you don't live here so I told Sam about this instead of you and then we had small argument about 'i making comment on her body'. So was I the asshole in this situation.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GlitteringMud9950 on 2023-09-24 22:48:16.

My 40f, daughter, 22f, Rita is pregnant, she's almost 20 weeks and she just told me a few days ago. Rita moved back in with me and my husband (her stepdad) when the place she was renting with her bf 22m, and a former roommate fell through. Rita and her bf are still together and decided to keep the baby. The bf lives about an hour and a half away.

Anyhow, Rita does absolutely nothing. She doesn't work or go to school. She'll watch TV until 5-6am then sleep until 1-2pm most days. Only cleans her room when I tell her to. Doesn't wash dishes or her laundry, nor does she take out the trash. When I try to talk to her she starts crying and screaming that I hate her and I'm trying to stress her out and she can't deal with it. (My other young adult kid is in college full time and works part time. They were raised with the same rules and expectations.)

I tried telling Rita she's having a baby soon and she needs to grow up. Cue more crying and screaming. She literally throws herself on the floor and sobs. That she needs to get her act together to take care of the baby and try to be a decent parent. That the baby is hers, not mine and her and her bf responsibility to raise and provide for. That she needs to go to school or work or both and apply for daycare vouchers and any assistance she can. That she needs to pull her head out of the sand and actually do something with her life. (I had kids young, but I also went to school part time for several years to achieve my goals.)

These conversations always end with Rita on the floor, crying, screaming and basically throwing a tantrum. The only time she does anything is when either I force her to or her bf picks her up. Other than that, she'll go 4-5 days without showering or changing clothes. I've told her that has to stop. I love her but I'm not raising her baby or taking care of her like a child. She knows what's right and expected of her. Rita says I'm the ah because I'm turning my back on her and my grandchild and if they suffer its my fault because I have the ability to give them a good life and home with plenty of stability but I'd rather make her struggle. (I'd never let the baby go without.) AITA?